Segala cinta yang ada..

2008 has comes to an end.. Time flies really fast. I can't believe that tomorrow is already 2009.. Looking back at my life, I feel so blessed with everything that I have. Syukur Alhamdulillah di atas segala rahmat dan kurniaanNya..

.

Setahun yang lalu, saya seorang isteri yang sangat2 manja. Ditatang sepenuh jiwa. Dibelai sepenuh kasih. Saya sendiri tertawa apabila membaca entri2 lama yang mengabadikan kisah kami. Kini, Ian membawa saya ke satu fasa yang lebih tinggi. Pengalaman mendewasakan. Pengalaman mematangkan. Pengalaman mengajar saya tentang erti kehidupan. Pengalaman mengajar saya keagungan Allah SWT bukan hanya terletak pada nikmat kegembiraan yang diberikan. Ia dimana2.. Dan terpulang pada diri kita sendiri utk mentafsirkan erti nikmat yang dikurniakan..

.

Ingin saya abadikan rentetan peristiwa yang berlaku dalam hidup kami sepanjang tahun 2008 utk dijadikan bahan bacaan dan untuk kami kenang-kenangkan di kemudian hari..

.

Januari..

:: Masih dengan morning sickess yang agak teruk..

:: Adjustment & Increment yang memberangsangkan. Alhamdulillah..

:: Keje office yang teramat2 byk! - Ini smpi skrg, xleh nak wat ape dah.. =P

:: Pertama kali 'kehadiran' Ian saya announce di dalam blog lama saya..

Februari..

:: Effiey ikan laga kesayangan saya mati. Saya tinggalkan di bawah jagaan abang saya sepanjang kepulangan saya dan hubby ke kampung.. Abang saya JAHAT! Dia lupa nak keluarkan Effiey dari kereta. Hukhukhuk.. Jadi ikan steam..

:: Kami mengetahui jantina bayi yang dikandung. Hubby ceria sahaja sepanjang perjalanan pulang dari hospital. Tidak henti2 dia bercerita tentang harapan dan impian. (Seandai dikurniakan anak perempuan, pasti sahaja kami menerimanya dengan penuh rasa syukur. Tapi pada dasarnya, kami berharap biarlah yang pertama ini lelaki..)

March..

:: PRU 12. Tapi saya tak mengundi pun.. :P

Masa tau result full, hubby kejutkan saya (kul 3am).. "Ayang! Ayang! Bangun Yang! BN kalah ni, KL & Selangor sekali!"

Dalam mengantuk, saya menjawab, "Abg bertanding ke?"

"Xde la.. Nape?"

"Kalau xde, tido la.. Bukan kita ada buat salah ape pun.. Xyah nak bungkus kain baju and lari pun" - Saya yang x puas hati coz tido terganggu!

P/s - Hasil PRU 12: bapak saya suka.. bapak mertua saya tarik muka..

:: Kami mendapat perkhabaran tentang keadaan bayi yang dikandung. Perasaan kami? Sila rujuk --> "seribu tahun", "Hari ini & semalam", "Sesudah Gerimis" & "seteguh itukah aku".

:: Pertama kalinya saya perkenalkan Tuan Rayyan Ariff Tuan Alimin - beserta gambarnya utk tatapan umum. Bimbang tidak akan ada kesempatan utk berbuat demikian pada masa hadapan. Kami positif it's Tuan Rayyan Ariff instead of Puteri Rania Adriana since the Amniocentesis result shows that it's "XY".. Not "XX".. Entri : "Permata hati"

April..

:: Buat pertama kalinya. Saya join konvoi ProPerd (Perdana owners' club). It's sooo not me ok! But in the future, kalau hubby ajak lagi, I'll do it again for him (dah nama pun dia minat..Ikut je la) and coz the members are all friendly..

:: Family trip gi Genting. Hubby's side. Masa ni jiwa agak kacau.. Dh tau yang I've to go for early delivery.

:: Outstation kat Malacca. 7 months ok.. :P

:: Our first anniversary.. I can't remember where did we go.. Bad me huh? I've no memory of it at all.. Maklum la.. Jiwa kacau..

:: Hubby was admitted at Pusrawi for Acute Bronchitis. Sgt syahdu. I've never felt so lonely before. Luckily my friends were with me. Masa ni nekad nak blajar bawak kete. (Tp smpi skrg hampeh!!). Entri : "Saat-saat sukar"

May..

:: Doktor bagi greenlight makan byk2 so that baby besar bila keluar. - premiees goes by weight, not month like typical baby

:: Segala entri tentang Rayyan Ariff saya 'hilangkan' kerana tidak mahu bersedih di kemudian hari..

:: 12.05.08 - The day I've become a mother! The day that I could never forget.. Tears were everywhere. Tangisan ketakutan. Tangisan kegembiraan. Tangisan kesedihan.. Hari yang sgt menakutkan. Saya pernah berkata pada Ian, "Andai Ian hanya boleh survive selagi di dalam rahim Mama, Mama sanggup mengandungkan Ian utk seribu tahun lagi. Utk selama-lamanya!!"

:: And the journey of motherhood begins..

June..

:: We were informed that Ian can't see and completely failed his hearing test. And there could be some stiffness on his body. Be it major or minor, they'll inform us later. But there were still hopes for us. "As the baby grows, things can be better. Just pray.." (Alhamdulillah he did)

:: We got to hold our baby for the first time! And kali pertama Nenek jumpa Ian.

:: After 45 days, Ian came home. Healthy as any other baby could be.

:: Hubby dapat bonus yang memberangsangkan..

July..

:: I'm a stay-at-home-mommy. Really enjoy the moment. I was really addicted with online shopping

:: I moved from fs blog to Blogspot.

:: Managed to get back my ideal weight. Tp the figure lari laa.. (But so sad, it doesnt last that long)

:: Hubby's birthday. I got him a brand new handphone.

August..

:: I'm back to work.. Trying my best to juggle between work and my special need baby.. kemaruk nak mkn pn start la..

:: Mommy was with us. Taking care of the little one.

:: Great news : Ian was gaining weight quite well. His hearing is ok.

September..

:: Fasting month. We sent Ian to KB. (This was when Abah and Ian became so attached. Ian prefers Abah a.k.a Atuk than his own Ayah)

:: A tiring month. Every weekend, we went back to KB. Jenguk anak.

:: Ian started talking and smiling. Happy to know that our baby is responsive.. =)

:: Byk bukak puasa dgn kawan2 kat luar.. Tgk movie setelah berkurun tak jejak kaki kat panggung wayang.. (It's a big thing ok. Coz I luvvvv my frens so much!!)

:: Ian is getting healthier and cheekier..

October..

:: Our first raya with Rayyan Ariff. As a woman, I feel so complete!

:: Great news again & raya gift: Ian can see. Semua orang rasa sangat lega even kitorang dah agak yang Ian CAN SEE.

:: MIL took care of Ian before mommy arrived from KB. Then Mommy continue jaga Ian.

:: Ian first showed his interest in toys. Alhamdulillah

:: My birthday. Too busy to celebrate it.. Uhuk.. Uhuk.. Hubby gave a gold bracelet as a birthday gift.

:: Majlis Akikah Ian

November

:: New phase : Ian needs to go for physiotherapy.. It seems so hard at the beginning. All the exercise that we need to do together. The stimulations etc. Tp, alah bisa, tegal biasa..

:: Saat mencemaskan bila Ian kept on rejecting his Similac Neo. Tukar susu, constipation pulak.. And other major / minor things yang merunsingkan hati mama..

:: Gath with Uni-mates at my place. Sungguh happy! Love you guys, a lot!

December

:: Raya haji in KB. Last year kat Rawang jer..

:: Officially, Ian dah leh meniarap! Ngengengee..

P/s - Latest, Ian dah bleh bleh pusing. B4 this, terlentang to meniarap, skrg ni, meniarap to terlentang.. Both ways!! Clap*Clap*.. Alhamdulillah..

:: Majlis Akikah Ian

:: Kete hubby accident..

:: Great news from Ian's paed, again! Antaranya; there's no stiffness! Physio pn sebulan sekali jer.. =)

:: Bonus saya?? Alhamdulillah.. Tersangat2 la syukur!

:: And today, 31.12.2008 - Another GREAT NEWS!!! Alhamdulillah.. Syukur... Apa dia?? Tungguuuu..

.

2009 reso?? Ada la a few things. Yang pasti, NAK SLIM!! Err adik utk Ian?? No comment.. :-)

P/s - Wishing you all a happy and joyful new year!! Satu lg azam, nak kemaskan blog ni la.. Berterabur.. Tak suka..

I'll upload some photos later.. Photos of year 2008..

And we took a break..

We were in KL. Xde gi mana pun.. Most of the time, shopping la.. :P

Us @ KLCC

.

~Ian suka tgk orang ramai..~

Mama : Ian, tgk kamera sayang..

Ian : Xnak la Mama.. Awek sebelah ni cun!

Bestnya makanan..

.

Us @ Chillis :

~Ian & Ayah~

~Mama & Mak E~

.

~Nice View~

.

Us @ WetWorld Waterpark Shah Alam :

.

Us @ The Mall :

~Nampak tak? Nenek pakai kebaya.. Mama xleh coz mama gumuk!!~

Us.. eh salah! Ian @ home..

~Penat & Ngantuk!!~

P/s - Ni betul2 ni, saya dh gemuk yg amat.. Ingt nk try herbalife.. Ok tak?? Huhuhu.. Lg gemuk dr masa blaja dulu.. Camne nk buat ni? Utk kesekian kalinya, Xnak mkn nasi dah!.. =)

Milestone..

One thing that I never thought Ian managed to do this early is; angkat kedua-dua tangan mintak diangkat atau didukung. Especially with me, his mama.. Regardless siapa yang tgh hold Ian, dia akan angkat tangan mintak mama ambik.. For typical baby, this is nothing. But to Ian, it's a huge thing. Honestly, I don't know how he manages to do all the things that he did. Even all his doctors doesn't know how he do it. Every single thing seems impossible for him. But he keeps surprising us with new things.. Allah knows the best. Alhamdulillah..

.

Being a working mother, I've missed so many big moment in Ian's life. Saya tertinggal senyum pertama Ian. Saya tertinggal saat pertama kali Ian bercakap bahasa bayinya. Saya tertinggal saat pertama kali Ian meniarap. Memang saya ralat. Tapi saya tau saya melakukan yang terbaik untuk diri saya dan Ian sendiri. Saya tahu, tanpa bekerja InsyaAllah kami masih boleh survive.

.

Tapi saya mahu lebih. Saya mahu Ian terus mendapat rawatan di hospital swasta yang menelan belanja yang bukan sedikit (bukan saya tidak suka hospital kerajaan, saya akui dari segi kepakaran mereka ada segalanya - even doktor2 yang merawat Ian juga berkhidmat dgn hospital kerajaan suatu masa dahulu. Saya cuma mahu keistimewaan dari segi layanan.. :P). Saya mahu terus membeli baju-baju cantik untuk Ian. Saya masih mahu membelikan Ian mainan yang mahal2 dan berkualiti.. Dan yg plg penting, saya mahu terus merasakan ada duit belasan ribu ringgit di dlm akaun bank saya walau hanya setahun sekali**bonus! - Kesian.. Tak macam orang lain yang sentiasa ada duit puluh2 ribu! Xpe, syukurlah.. =)

.

Walaupun tertinggal byk perkara penting dalam hidup Ian, saya terus cuba melakukan yang terbaik utk cinta hati saya itu.. Saya cuba sedaya utk menggantikan setiap waktu yang tertinggal. Dan saya bangga bila Ian tetap memilih saya berbanding orang lain tidak kira berapa lama masa yang dia habiskan dgn orang itu berbanding saya..

.

Memang saya bangga. Saya lupa di blog mana saya terbaca; si anak beria-ria mengangkat tangan minta di angkat apabila si ibu tiba di rumah pengasuh / nurseri setelah seharian di tempat kerja. Saya tertanya-tanya, bilakah saya akan merasai saat itu? Mungkinkah ianya akan berlaku? Alhamdulillah.. Persoalan saya sudah terjawab..

.

Gaya tido feveret Ian!

P/s - Moga-moga dipermurahkan rezeki agar suatu masa nanti dapat saya bersama Ian 24-7 macam MommyOfTripletsPlusOne!! SELAMAT MENYAMBUT TAHUN BARU 1430HIJRAH

Lagu untuk Ian..

Besides all the zikr and verses of Quran that parents recite to put their baby to sleep, I guess it's a norm for parents to have a special song dedicated for their baby.. I don't know whether mine can be considered as a song or not coz it's just 2 lines - but of course, with melody lah.

.

What I sang to him?? I keep on repeating these lines.. Especially during NICU days..

.

"One healthy baby, one happy baby

One happy baby, one happy family.."

.

It's actually kata-kata semangat for Ian to be strong and keep on fighting. It's to tell him that he brought happiness in our little family. And what a special baby he is.

.

Just for those who doesnt know, in overcoming his prematurity, he passed with flying colors. No ROP. Gaining weight very well. And reflux stopped at 5 months old. What he's going through at the moment is not because he was born premature. Because of a desease that happens in 1 in every 1000 pregnancies.

.

In our case, it's not genetic and it's not virus infection. It's just happen. Kuasa Allah SWT. Satu anugerah. The longer he stays inside my womb (or any other mommy's womb), he's condition is getting worse and worse. Early delivery? I've requested for it during 28 weeks of pregnancy. But my gynea refused. It's a major thing for Ian. He needs to survive for being a premature baby and, for his serious medical condition. Double la kiranya.

.

Tp Allah SWT menetapkan Ian utk lahir lebih awal.. And I'm thankful for that. Since he's very strong, doctors can immediately do something to treat him. Of course, it's not that easy.. Born premature really put him in a difficult situation where he needs to go through 4 operations rather than just 1 i.e. stitches keep on reopen because there're not much skin tissues to cover his *****. Ok, that explain why we only brought him back when he weight 2.26kg. Not 1.8kg like other premie.

.

I've been scolded by someone from hubby's side for being so impatience to take him out. (Kata dia, kalau tunggu 9 bulan, mesti takyah went thru 4 operations). Yes, I was mad. Macam saya ni hadap sangat nak kuarkan anak saya awal2.. Kalau taktau tanya. Everything happened for a reason and in our case; it's for the best interest of the baby. If we were to wait till 36 weeks, then we need to choose either mother or baby. And baby's condition pun akan sangat teruk..

.

Looking at how he's progressing, doctor said it could be because of the early intervention. To us, it's because of Allah Yang Maha Esa. Bukankah sudah dinyatakan bahawa Dia takkan menguji hambaNya melebihi kemampuan hamba itu sendiri.

.

Every day that he woke up alive is a miracle. When they predicted him to live for 2/3 days, he has been with us for 7 and a half month. InsyaAllah.. More days to come.

.

I used to envy all the premiees who were 'just gaining weight' before then can go home. But I was totally wrong! Being premature is about fighting. For every breath they took, for every single days that they passed, these little warriors are true fighters. Every premiees has their own story.. And for Ian, the story to tell is a lil bit extra.. And what we're going thru right now is not because of his prematurity. In fact, I'm thankful that he was born earlier than the EDD. (Tp kalau lahir ikut EDD cun jugak.. Sama birthday dgn Ayah..) So for all premie mommies out there, InsyaAllah everything will be fine. There's always lights at the end of the tunnel (kalau malam or hujan skalipun, skrg ni dh ada lampu jalan.. So mmg akan ada lights! Kalau blackout satu semenanjung ke apa, xtau la nak kata..)

.

Che Su buat jahat kat Ian nih..

P/s - Merry Christmas to everyone who's celebrating. Errr.. Saya ada satu problem pasal mandikan Ian la.. Kalau boleh, nak advice from kawan2 sekalian la.. Nnt my next entry la citer.. Baby takut air?? Bukan Ian tu..

My very own not-so-handy handyman

Ini orang.. Tidak berapa terror bertukang.. Tak tahu la apa dia punyer grade for Kemahiran Hidup.. Tapi biasa, kalau paip rosak atau pintu rosak, adik ipar dia yang baiki.. Hari tu, dia nak try pasang rocker anak dia..

Mula-mula, pasang rangka..

.

Tak paham?? Boleh rujuk manual..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Kalau takleh gak?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Suruh la orang lain buat!! Kan senang...

Pastu bleh la letak anak....

P/s - Sungguh tak mesra alam ini Fisher Price.. One of the rattle yang tergantung tu, ba alif ba ya.. Terus hubby tak bagi letak.. (Sila abaikan rumah yang kelam kabut.. Ms ni br smpi frm KB di hari accident yg sadis itu.. :P)

Monthly check up

Went for Ian's monthly check up today.. Alhamdulillah.. Everything is fine and he's doing great! Read : G.R.E.A.T. Dr.Yong was really happy to see him and most of the things he said today, really make my day! Syukur Alhamdulillah.. Full assessment will be done by next month. Till then, masih dalam debaran! Whatever the outcome is going to be, I'm thankful for today that I have him and, I'm thankful for today as he has reached this far..
.

After the check up, we headed straight to the rehab & physio centre. This time, my sister was with us so she managed to record the session. Of course not the whole session lah.. Know what? during the session, Ian poo poo.. Haiyyy.. Bikin malu kompeni la Ian ni.

.

Lately, Ian has been screaming most of the time.. Dr.Yong said, it's because he has discover his voice.. Just like menyembur & main buih.. Babies will continue to do it when they first discover it because it's a new thing for them.

.

Something need to be done on the crossed eyes!

The screaming is totally not because he was in pain ok.. Sajer jer.. We took a brake coz ada org beyakk.. Eeiiii..

We brought Ian to NICU since it has been a while from our last visit. This time, Ian got to see his Wan (nenek) in NICU. Since Ian was discharged about 5 and a half month ago, this is the first time ho got to see Wan NICU. Luckily, Wan @ Kak Ton was on duty this morning.. She was delighted to see him. Most of the staffs did. Some of them could not believe their eyes when they saw handsome-not-so-little-Rayyan is doing sooo fine.. He weight 2.26 when he left NICU.. No wonder they're surprised to see him. Diorg kata Ian panjang.. Dah bapak dia pun panjang..

Balik umah, pas mandi, titon la ini baby.. Mama leh la blogging.. Hehehhe.. Letih la tu kena jab.. Final dose of Pneumococal..

P/s - Doa sangat2, mintak2 la Allah SWT permudahkan jalan buat Tuan Rayyan Ariff Bin Tuan Alimin.. Aminnn..

Hubby's 2nd luv..

Hubby is so into cars.. He loves well-modified car (who doesnt??), and has turn ours into one. When he was driving his Wira last time, he parked his car at the lrt station nearby. And somebody put a note on the mirror saying, "Nice car.. Interested to sell your car?? Call Eedi @ **********.". Banggo la pakcik tu.. Kat umah ni pun penuh ngan majalah Gila Kereta, Motor Traders & Ntahapapantah..
.

Since he got his Perdana, not much has been changed. (Dlm tak byk tuh, riban2 gak la.. Mahal betul benda2 alah nih!!).. He just put in new ekzos, change the car seat, steering, alarm system, gear box (ada ke from auto tukar manual?? Pelik.. Pelik..).. And a few other things which I dont know how to spell lah!

.

Since we got to knw bout Ian's condition, dia kurangkanlah sket aktiviti dia nih- ehhehhehe.. ada adik manis membebel kat dia suruh stop.. dr dok tabur duit merata, baik simpan utk belanja treatment anak!!

.

To my surprise, earlier today, he told me, "Jom kita tukar MPV.." Ishhh.. Cam x caye jer.. Dulu dia kata MPV cam pokcik-pokcik.. Ok la tu.. Anak sorang pun brg penuh kete bila nak travel.. Mmg xde ruang la..

.

Tp siyan betul.. Tiba2, ni yang jadik ms kitorg blk amik Ian. Otw from KB to KL ..

.

P/s - All four of us who were in the car; hubby, me, my sis & Ian are OK.. Ian tgh tido, x sedar langsung!

Private mode

Lately, i've seen so many blogs that suddenly went private..

.

Honestly, I was thinking of doing that as well.. I moved from blog.frienster to blogspot because of that actually.. To go on private mode. Talk about Ian's condition in full, and went completely private.. Tp tak jadi plak.. Because I've fall in love with my blogger friends.. Lots of info-sharing.. So postpone la dulu sampai [dot][dot][dot]

.

Whisper*Sshhh.. Don't talk too loud.. There's a sleeping baby here..

.

P/s - Too many things to write and yet too little courage to post it! You can call me coward though I prefer fragile.. It's your call..

Cucu Atuk..

Ian is the first grandchild on my side and the 8th on hubby's side.. Because there’s no baby in the family since my youngest sister (turning 19 years old this coming February), Ian memang dimanjakan.
.
Ian loves to sleep on my lap bila saya duduk bersila.. I always put him on my lap and tepuk pok*pok*pok* till he falls asleep. So I did that last Sunday.. I totally forgot that he can turn already! Tergolek la baby itu dari ribaan saya.. Nasib baik landing kat atas toto.. Saya immediately angkat. Dia pandang saya dgn muka terperanjat (sangat comel).. At first, he didn’t cry.. Tp bila Che Su and Ayah Chik dia menjerit panic, agaknya dia terkejut, meraung laa… Hahahhaha.. **Note – next time baby jatuh wat relax jer.. Jgn panic.
.
Abah baru siap mandi, he asked, “Nape? Jatuh ke? Kesian.. pakat2 buat jahat kat cucu atuk..” Mommy yg kat dapur pun keluar jenguk.. Saya wat slumber jer la.. “Jatuh ke?”Tanya mommy.. “Takde la.. Tergolek jer..” Menjawab lagi ni.. Abah pun menyampuk, “A’ah.. Tak jatuh.. Cuma tergolek ke bawah jer..” Huishhh.. Sarcastic nih.. Hadoiii.. Baru sikit dah camni, kalo jatuh katil ke ape, xtau la.. Muahhahaha..

Abah taktau, yang sebenarnya anak dia nih dah selalu buli cucu kesayangan dia tuh.. Ini antara contoh bahan bukti.. Hahhaha..

.

Tapi kan, he doesnt mind being bullied by mama.. Dok sibuk pulun jari lagi ada tuh.. Muahhahha.. Box ni free gift from Perodua.. Gi service kete pun dpt gift ke?? Terror betul marketing strategy diorang nih.. Tp apa guna box nih?? Ntah la.. Wat letak baby jer la kot.. :P

P/s - Jangan la ada org tunjuk ni kat Abah.. :P

Ian's 2nd cousin..

In year 2008, ramai yang gave birth in my family.. 1st, Alya Zafira Abdul Hadi - her mother is the first cucu in our big family.. Followed by Tuan Rayyan Ariff Tuan Alimin (yang ni 'ter'awal dari jangkaan!). The third one to arrive is Nik Wan Yasmeen Dahlia.. The 4th one is Irfan Shukran Mohd Faizal.. Or maybe Muhammad Mukhlis Rusyaidie Manazil (I forgot which 1 first la between Irfan & Rusyaidie..) And the latest one, is just 3 days ago.. A baby girl.. I still don't know her name.. Her mother i.e. my cousin must be really really happy since she has been waiting for nearly 5 years for the arrival!

.

Ian and Irfan masa last raya..

.

Alya when she was 5 months old. Baby Michelin nih.. 8kg time ni..

Mama Ian with Alya.. Fuh, penat dukung..

.

P/s - Masa family gath nanti, mesti riuh rendah jadinya bila diorg nih masing2 dah bleh berlari.. Camne kalau semua satu kelas?? Huishh.. Bleh la Mak2 n ayah2 diorg jumpa kat mesyuarat PIBG.. Hehhehheh..

My little baby..

.

Time flies really fast when you're having fun.. In just the blink of an eye, my baby has reached 8kg.. Ohh.. Though I'm happy that Ian is gaining weight quite well, it's kind of sadden that my small premature baby is not that small anymore.. OK, stop being a drama queen.. Of course I'm HAPPY! Absolutely happy for you my dear..

.

.

.

But I really really really miss my tiny little baby.. a lot!!!

.

Ian with uncle @ 1 month old - 2.39kg..

Ian with uncle again.. One month and a half - 2.74kg..

.

I miss the old time where I can just feed him with one of my hand - and used another hand to 'bergayut' dgn kawan.. I miss the old time where I can carry him with one of my hand and use another one to do things (kemas rumah pun boleh!!).. I miss the old time when he used most of his time to sleep.. Ooohh.. I cant believe that this is happening to fast..

Ian with Uncle again..

.

P/s - Aduhai.. Takleh imagine camne bila dh masuk sekolah nanti.. Isk.. Isk.. Isk.. Sentimental!! Btw, Ian's uncle a.k.a. my brother is still single.. Tukang kebun berijazah @ Landscape Architect.. Masih mencari tapi belum bertemu.. (Choosy dia nih!!) Kalau ade sesape yg single mingle, bleh la introduce..

Fuh.. Cam ruangan mencari jodoh plak!! :P

***Oops.. Salah info.. Yang 2.39 tu 1 and a half month.. Another one tu, 1 month and 3 weeks.. :P

Strabismus: Crossed eyes..

Ian's appointment with his ophthalmologist is in January. At first, we have decided not to take him to see his ophthalmologist. From our last visit, the Dr. has confirmed that he can see but she still insists of seeing him every 3 months just to make sure everything is OK.. Well, from our non-doctor-eyes pun kitorg leh tau that our baby can see.. Furthermore, I don't know how the test was done. They wont let parents to accompany their baby during the test as they said there has been a case where parents want to hit the Dr. for hurting their baby.

.

One thing for sure, everytime they took Ian in for the test, he cried so loud until we can hear him not just from outside of the room, but also, from outside of the clinic! The first test, when he was still in NICU. So I was not there. The second one, is still ok since he was still a small baby. But the third one in October, dia dah besar and dah pandai meronta nak lepaskan diri.. As a result of it, the Dr. accidently scratch his left eye's eye ball.. It took about 4 days for the scratch to disappear.. So that's why kitorg taknak bawak Ian gi jumpa his ophthalmologist.. We don't want to take the risk of loosing his vision just because of the test. Lagi la skrg ni dia dh besar, he's getting stronger and he's definitely good at memberontak! Kang tak pepasal tercucuk kang..

.

But the problem is, we think he's having crossed eyes. Ok, when babies were born, normally, they start see things by the age of three months. Before that, their vision is a bit blurry.. And when they start learning how to focus, it is common for their eyes to cross as they are learning how to team and coordinate their eye movements. And it should fully correct itself when the baby is 7 or 8 months old.
.

It's either the eye turns in towards the nose, or the eye turns out away from the nose.. Senang kata, juling la.. But of course, for Ian, it doesn't happen all the time and it is not as bad as a few months before. Kadang2 juling, kadang2 tak.. When we raised this thing up with Ian's paed, he just told us that it might disappear as the baby grows.. Well, hopefully it does. If not, then we may need to do "patching" i.e. close one eye (the dominant eye) so that another eye can really be used.

.

Why is this something that we need to worry?? Well, when each eye aims independently of the other or do not point at the same place simultaneously, 2 different images will be captured. When the brain receives two different images, it will protect itself from seeing double by suppressing, or "turning off" the crossed eye. Approving only one image. If it's not treated, the baby can be so dependent on the dominant eye and totally forgot that he has another eye i.e. can cause blindness.

.

One of my colleague's son is suffering from this. And they only found out bout it when the boy is 7 years old - ni kes yang x ketara.. Kadang2 juling, kadang2 tak.. The opthalmologist had already informed the parents that it's very highly unlikely that they may not be able to save one of his eye. But they're still trying. Skrg, budak tu pki speck & power pn tinggi gak.. Seribu lebih utk sebelah mata. Hopefully he'll be OK..

.

Perasan tak mata Ian??

P/s - Last resort? Surgery.. Tp it just improve the eyes appearance, not the vision.. Huhuhu.. Mintak dijauhkan la.. Kalau boleh, no more surgery for Ian.. I guess we have no other option than to just bring him to see his ophthalmologist.. Hopefully there'll be no scratch or red eyes this time!! Hukhukhuk.. Siyan anak mama..

*Source : childrenvision.com

Finally..

Finally.. I got what I want for Ian! Thanks to Hubby.. Muahh.. Mmuahh.. When I reached home from KB this morning, this was the first thing that I saw! It's on the sofa..

.

.
Huhuhu.. Sgt terharu.. Hubby willing to go extra mile to get this for Ian.. Ampang to Babyland Summit tu agak jauh gak la kan?? Dh la naik motor.. Vroom.. Vroom.. Vroom.. Remp-it bang!!! Muahhahaha..
.

Close up skett..

.

Masa mula2, hubby bleh tanya, "Err.. Apa Infant to Toddler Rocker tuh?? Abang xtau la.." "Ala.. Yg macam bouncer tuh.." "Ermmm.. Tgk la camne.." Ingat dia dh taknak beli dah.. Rupe2nya gi carik gak..
.
Errr.. kami patah kaki seminggu dua ni.. Even just now, hubby asked me out for a dinner & tgk movie.. “Nak gi naik ape bang? Moto?” Saya senyum.. “A’ah kan.. Hadoiii.. Baru ingt nak dating takde takde baby nih” Turn hubby plak senyum.. We left En.Perdana in KB. Senang, nnt nak amik Ian.. Takyah drive gi blk.. Drive blk jer.. Ni salah satu sbb makcik blk naik bas smlm, xde transport nak blk from airport.. Xkan nak merempit kottt?? Stakat gi LRT brani la makcik.. Huhuhu – Saya mengalami fobia yg teruk lepas accident masa belajar2 dulu..

.
Ok la, let’s check out ape yang Ian buat last weekend.. Budak yg sudah malas nak meniarap.. lagi suka terlentang.. Haiyy.. Makin lama kepala makin leperlah.. Notice tak yg kepala dia panjang sket.. Ni akibat byk sgt terlentang nih.. Kita terbalikkan, dia pusing sdr blk.. Tak kira dlm tido or dlm sedar.. Ada apa2 cara tak nak bagi dia maintain meniarap??

.

Laying around doing nothing..

.

Still need help to support his head when sitting in his Bumbo.. (Tu tgn Mama yang gebu tuh.. )

But Ian is getting better at it, dulu, tersangat la tinggi darjah kecondongannya..

When I let my hand go.. His head will condong ke kiri.. Following the shape of his head.. But it's not that bad anymore. When we first put him on this chair, he was completely not able to hold his head straight.. But now, he manages to do it for a few second.. Good job son.. Great effort!

P/s - Usaha tangga kejayaan.. InsyaAllah, tak lama lagi, ok la tu.. Dulu ms first letak dlm Bumbo nih, Ian x berani nak lepas both of his hands.. Skrg dh berani dh.. Clap* Clap* for Strong-Will-Rayyan..

Rindu yang terpendam..

Hari ni, hari yang ke-3 saya tinggalkan Rayyan dgn Atuk & Nenek dia kat KB. Rindu?? Tersangatlah sangat.. And this morning, mommy called to tell me that Ian woke up at 4.00am last nite.. He cried and cried. Nothing that they can do to stop him from crying.. After that, my sister gave him my blanket and as expected, he stopped crying and started to smile. In just a while, he fell asleep..

.

Aduhhhh.. Sekali kamu merindu, beribu kali mama merindu nak.. Everytime I called him, he'll talked back and keeps on repeating, "Ibu.. Ibu.. Ibu.." Penat dah saya betulkan, "Mama la.. Ma.. Ma.." Dan dia ulang, "Ibu.. Ibuuuu.. Ibuuu.." Haiyooo.. Tak makan saman.. Setakat ni, besides all the baby's babling, 3 benda yg dia selalu sebut.. Ibu, Abah & Abu.. Hahhahhaha.. Xtau la ape abu tuh..

.

Am going back to KB tonite and will be back on sunday.. Off blogging for 2 days.. Buhbye peeps.. :P

.

Baby yang kerinduan!

P/s - Penatnya nak blk.. Dh la esok ponteng keje.. Xpe la.. demi anak..

Tidak terlebih berbicara

Why I didn’t tell the details of Rayyan Ariff's diagnosis? Oh, bukan sbb saya bermain tarik tali. I would love to share Ian's story with the whole world. So that It can be used by others who's facing the same thing.. But there're things who stopped me from doing so.. One is my mom; she doesn’t like the idea of her grandson's story to be shared with 'inappropriate person'. Katanya, bukan semua manusia baik hati utk bersimpati..
.
Number two, because I don’t want people to look at him differently. For example, when the ophthalmologist said that he may not be able to see, most of the people who knew about it then, when they met him, they’ll show him something to attract him or wave their hands in front of his eyes. An unofficial test to know whether his eyes are working or not. And when he’s not looking at it, they jumped into a conclusion that my cinta hati cannot see or in shorter word, he’s blind. Even his paed said so. When he follows movements, they’re saying that he’s only reacting to sounds. Some of these people are under the assumption that my baby cannot see. Not until the ophthalmologist confirmed that he can, at 5 months of age.
.
Ketiga, I’m afraid that Ian might not like it when he read my blog in the future.. But this one, I can explain to him that he’s sooo special that it will be a waste to keep his story to just me, my family and my friends.
.
Yang keempat, saya malas. Diulangi, saya MALAS utk berdepan dengan perkara2 seperti ini. Ms dlm pantang, saya akui, mana mungkin saya bisa berpantang sebaik mungkin. Saya sering berulang-alik dari Ampang ke Bangsar, semata-mata untuk menjenguk cinta hati saya. Kalau bukan saya pergi dgn rela hati, saya ‘dipanggil’ oleh pihak PMC utk diambil darah sebelum setiap pembedahan Ian. Dan juga utk beberapa perkara lain. Setiap kali saya menerima perkhabaran buruk dari PMC, hati sy hanya akan tenang apabila melihat wajah comel dan tenang Ian. Ketika itu, diri saya bukan lagi subjek utama. Mungkin kerana itu, badan saya sakit2. Walaupun saya ada berurut dgn seorang bidan, ianya tidak mencukupi. Saya beralih ke bidan kedua, namun sengal2 dan bisa2 yang ditanggung masih terasa.. Dan saya terjumpa bidan ketiga. Dan dia memang pandai mengurut. Cuma mulutnya lebih 'pandai' dari tangannya.
.
Semasa diurut oleh makcik yang saya panggil nenek itu. Dia bertanya tentang amalan berpantang saya dan kenapa urat badan saya sebegitu teruk. Tanpa rasa curiga, saya bercerita tentang kisah saya dan kisah Ian. Apa yang saya dapat? Dipendekkan dan diringkaskan, biar saya ulang ayat nenek itu..

.

“Ooh.. Ini budak kepala besar tu ye?” “Ape yang ko buat?? Ni ade la yang tak kena ni. Tuhan ni kalau nak turunkan bala, senang saja. Macam ko ni. Ko ade wat dosa ape nih?? Dgn sape?? Mak bapak ko??”
.

Dengan linangan air mata saya menjawab, “Sbg manusia, kita takkan lari dari melakukan dosa. Kalau dgn mak bapak, selalu sgt2 sy mintak ampun dgn diorg. Apa2 pun, mungkin ini takdir utk saya..”

.
Dia bertanya lagi, “Ape yang doctor cakap masa ko mengandung dulu?”

.
“Doktor suruh buang” Esakan saya semakin kuat.

.
Dia menekan lagi, gaya seakan memarahi seorang anak kecil yang sudah melakukan kesalahan yang besar, seolah saya ini anaknya. Anak kecilnya. “Lain kali, kalau doctor dah cakap macam tu, ikut je lah.. Jangan dok buat pandai2 sdr.. Kadang2, ckp doctor ni betul. Kita kena ikut. Tgk skrg, ko jgk yang susah! Badan smpi macam ni jd nya.. Ni baru anak sulung. Anak kedua ketiga nanti, xtau la aku macam mana!”

.
Masih menekan. “Ade ke keturunan ko yang macam ni? Tak pun laki ko..”

.
Saya menjawab, “Xde nek..”

.
Dia menambah dgn angkuh, “Ntah ntah ada. Saje laki ko xnak bgtau.”

.
Dengan payah saya menjawab, “Tak ade nek, lg pun, doctor dh buat ujian dan sahkan, ianya bukan disebabkan keturunan.”

Masih kelat muka nenek itu.
.
Bagai anak kecil yg baru sahaja dicubit, saya mengadu pada hubby kata2 nenek itu. Dgn esakan yang kuat. Dan seterusnya pada mommy. Keruh muka mommy. Katanya, tiada apa yang disimpan di dalam hatinya.
.
Itu hanya satu darinya. Pernah saya mengeluh tentang ramalan doctor dan teman office saya menjawab, “Doktor ramal byk keburukan dan hanya 1 atau 2 yang menjadi nyata.. Cubalah bwk bersyukur. Tak usahlah tamak dan mahukan kesemuanya. Bukankah pernah dikatakan dia xkan hidup lama. Redhakanlah kekurangannya yang satu itu” Senang dia berkata-kata. Sedang dia inginkan kesempurnaan pada anaknya, salahkah saya kalau saya menginginkan perkara yang sama pada anak saya. Dan saya bukanlah tidak redha, sekadar melepaskan apa yang terbuku di hati dengan niat mengurangkan beban. Tp sekali lagi saya disalahtafsir. Kerna itu, saya semakin berat untuk bercerita. Dia juga menambah, “Kamu agak “naïve” utk dikatakan berdosa, mungkin ini dugaan di atas dosa2 orang yang terdahulu sebelum kamu. Mungkin nenek kamu, mungkin bapa mertua kamu, atau mungkin sesiapa saja di dlm keluarga kamu.” Sekali lagi, saya terpukul.
.
Dan yang terbaru, seorang pegawai yang baru memasuki jabatan kami membuat satu kenyataan kepada seorang kawan yang lain setelah mengetahui kisah saya, “Aiyooo.. Poor baby have to suffer. If I were her, I would have terminated the pregnancy. So that I don’t have to go through what she’s going through and the poor baby doesn’t have to suffer like that. 4 times of operations and still, the baby’s future is uncertain. Better not to keep the baby lah..”
.
Apa reason saya utk meneruskan kandungan saya?? Jawapannya ada di sini --> hanya seorang ibu.. Ini hanyalah sedikit daripada apa yang saya pernah dan akan terima. Kerana itulah saya tidak mahu berkongsi secara total. Saya juga yang akan mendapat habuannya. Masih ramai yang berfikiran sempit walaupun sudah ramai yang mengamalkan dasar ‘keterbukaan’.

.

Biasanya, muka saya akan terasa panas dan kolam mata saya akan bergenang bila diterjah sebegini. Tapi ia tidak melemahkan semangat saya. InsyaAllah, dgn izinNya, saya yakin Rayyan Ariff saya akan menyangkal segala kata-kata mereka ini. Aminnnn..

.

Pelukan pertama seorang ibu

.

P/s - Sampai skrg sy masih sakit2 badan walau sudah bertukar tangan dengan 4 tukang urut. Boleh bagi suggestion sesiape yang ok tak?? Nenek tu best urut.. Tp mulut dia terlebih la.. Tak sanggup nak tahan telinga for ONE HOUR! Adehhh..

Doa dari kejauhan..

Asalnya, saya gemar membaca blog kawan2 saya yang mana saya sifatkan sebagai medan utk saya mengikuti perkembangan mereka dan utk mengetahui apa yang berlaku di dlm kehidupan mereka.. (Akuilah yang agak mustahil utk menelefon setiap org, setiap waktu bukan??). Atas dasar yang sama disertakan dengan keinginan utk menulis, saya turut memulakannya.. Tp sekadar di Friendster dgn niat, hanya utk teman2 sahaja.. Apabila mengetahui tentang condition baby yang saya kandung, saya beralih ke blogspot. Kononnya kerana ingin berkongsi pengalaman dan memberi semangat pada mereka yang berada di dalam situasi yang sama. Tetapi masih belum terlaksana.

.
Tatkala mendapat perkhabaran tentang “kelainan” pada Ian, saya jadi tidak keruan dan terus-terusan melayari Internet utk mendapatkan jawapan kepada segala kekusutan yang bersarang. Di sini, saya temui Mar.. Saya layangkan beberapa email dan Mar membalasnya dengan sabar. Kata2 sokongan yang diberi cukup melegakan. Saya cekalkan hati utk menerima segala kemungkinan walaupun rasa takut dan sedih bercampur.

.
Seterusnya, saya mengenali Akak Pnut. Masih berkongsi pengalaman dan kata-kata dorongan. Melalui Akak Pnut, saya mengenali insan yang cukup mengagumkan dari kaca mata saya.. Abg Fajar.. Walau tidak mengenalinya secara langsung, saya beranikan diri melayangkan emel buat dirinya yang jauh di bumi Glasgow. Kami berbalas email. Berkongsi apa yang patut. Tp kesibukan membataskan segalanya. Dan Abg Fajar dan isteri masih cekal berdiri buat putera tercinta; Amir Yusuf. Begitu juga Najla yang belajar mendewasakan diri di dalam usia yang begitu mentah.. Walaupun jauh dari kaum keluarga, Abg Fajar dan isteri tidak pernah tewas dgn dugaan yang mendatang..

.
Saya juga mengenali beberapa rakan yang lain, rakan yg penuh dgn informasi utk dikongsi.. Terima kasih buat Munirah kerana sudi berkongsi kisah dan memberi panduan.. Melalui blog Kak Suealeen, sekali lagi hati saya terkesan bila membaca kisah Syafiah dan terbaru, kisah Fahry.. Semoga Kak Lina tabah dalam mengahadapi hari-hari yang mendatang. Inilah juga bait2 yang saya ulang di dalam doa saya. Mohon ditabahkan diri utk menghadapi hari2 yang mendatang.. Mohon dicekalkan hati utk menggalas amanah Allah yang merupakan satu jalan ibadah.. Mohon dipermudahkan segala urusan..

.
Dari kejauhan ini, saya memohon kepada semua, agar sama2 terus menitipkan doa untuk anak2 ini.. Untuk Ayyash, untuk Amir Yusuf, untuk Fahry, untuk Syafiah, untuk Rayyan Ariff dan untuk bayi2 lain yang bertarung demi sebuah kehidupan.. Mohon untuk kesihatan yang berterusan dan sebuah kehidupan yang sejahtera.. Aminnnn..

Rayyan Ariff @ day 1

P/s - Kerana kita adalah yang terpilih untuk melakarkan sebuah episod kehidupan. Kelainan bukanlah satu ketidaksempurnaan.. Kelainan itulah yang menjadikan kita istimewa..

Majlis Akikah Ian..

Alhamdulillah.. Dalam dok takut2 Kelantan banjir, selamat gak Majlis Akikah for Ian.. Confident tu sbb Atuk's place x penah pn banjir.. Cuma agak frust bila kawan2 Mama tak datang, cuma Auntie Ajah.. Yang lain MIA.. Ditelan kesibukan berhari raya agaknya.. Atuk & Wan Rawang pun x ikut balik..

Lauk pauk yang terhidang..

Tetamu Ayah Chik.. Kembar lg tuh.. X confuse ke nanti Ayah Chik???

Sblm ini, saya pernah bercakap tentang body tone.. Sy pn x faham sgt, tp bila sy pegang baby yang dalam gambar ni, saya faham tentang "kelainan" body tone Ian.. Baby ni keras jer badan dia.. Tegap.. Xpe la.. Ian kan special.. Tu yg ade different tu..

Ian & Atuk.. Suka la tu org dok manjakan berlebih2..

Ian & Auntie Ajah.. Ian kalau org yg 1st time dia tengok, habis2an dia tenung.. Lama sket baru senyum.. Dah kenal orang..

Dalam kalut2 bersiap nak balik KB, byk benda yang saya tertinggal rupanya. Patut la kosong jer kereta, kalau tak, penuh dgn barang2 Ian jer.. Dek kerana 'tertinggal', terpaksa la gi shopping.. Hehhehe.. Alasan!!

Rasa cam baru dpt baby, brg2 basic yang kena beli.. Toto (beli besar sket coz Ian dok sibuk meniarap skrg nih..) Cute jer kaler ijau+biru+kuning.. Murah lak tu.. RM25.00. First time letak Ian kat atas ni, dia sungguh2 meniarap coz nak kutip corak bunga2 kat tilam tu..

Nestum + Susu + Detergent (ape brand ntah.. X jumpe Nappi Kleen)

Dan, part yang plg best, terbeli baju.. Mahal betul baju2 baby nih.. Kalah baju mak pak!!

P/s - Jantung hati saya masih di KB. Kami hanya akan mengambil Ian blk dlm ms seminggu lbh lg.. Aduh.. Saya kerinduan!! Jiwa saya tertinggal..