Satu.. Dua.. Tiga..

Satu..
Kasih nan abadi
Tiada tandingi Dia yang satu..
Dua..
Sayang berpanjangan membawa ke syurga
Kasihnya ibu..
Tiga..
Lapar dan dahaga rela berpayah
Setianya ayah..

Sudah hampir seminggu Rayyan meragam at night. Siang, dia tido tak ingat.. Malam, mula la berjaga.. I don't really want to wake hubby up coz he needs to go to work the next day, and I can sleep during day time. But I can't. Coz lately we had quite a number of visitors (which sangat2 saya hargai).. So, saya tersangat-sangatlah penat!

Dari dulu lagi saya memang jenis yang terlebih tido.. If I didnt get enough sleep, I'll be cranky all day long. Everyday, blk keje, by 930 or 10.00pm, confirm tido dh.. That time, I really can't imagine how am I going to have a baby. Nk kena berjaga malam. Most of all, having children is equivalent to endless commitment. We always have to be there for them. And even after they grew up, get married and have their own kid.. (I took my mom for example.. Lepas berperang ngan kitorg adik beradik, skrg sibuk dgn Rayyan plak.. Siyan dia..)

After not getting enough sleep for about 4 days, I finally reach out for hubby.. And he spent from 2am to close to 6, talking and playing with Rayyan. I'm so amazed! Takde sedikit pun rasa marah or tak puas hati bila Rayyan merengek and menangis.. (Dlm ngantuk sempat gak intai).. Memang dia sungguh2 layan kerenah Rayyan.. Dan esoknya, he called from his offc, just a normal chat.. but he did tell me how sleepy he is.. Kesian gak la..

Kenapa saya kata saya kagum? Coz I'm not that penyabar ok.. Dalam x sedar, selalu 'ter'marah Rayyan n I'll regret it the next morning.. If he can talk, most probably he'll say that it is not fair for him to be scolded for things that some other babies did as well. Lg pun, Rayyan dh bersusah-payah 'berjuang' untuk berada di samping mama dan ayahnya.. In return, mama lah pulak yang harus 'berjuang' untuk membesarkan Rayyan Ariff..

Dan Alhamdulillah, semalam Rayyan Ariff tido nyenyak.. Hanya bangun untuk menyusu..

I guess daddy is truely Rayyan's hero n mummy makes him smile because mummy equals to tukar diapers n feeding time!

P/s - Ada teman pernah berkata, manusia adalah khalifah di bumi Allah ini. Sebagai khalifah, tanggungjawabnya juga besar dan kita masing2 memikulnya dengan cara yang tersendiri.. Andai takdirNya Rayyan pergi, anggaplah dia tidak bersedia memikul tanggungjawab itu. Tapi, Rayyan memilih untuk memikul tanggungjawab itu.. Alhamdulillah... Syukur di atas nikmat Allah SWT..

The colour of our life..

Rayyan in Pink (B4 this, I've promised my self not to put my son in pink, - coz i've made the ayah wore pink on our wedding! Tp dh termungkir janji plak.. Pink is too sweet n irresistible!

Rayyan in blue - my favourite color! he has lots of baju biru, nama pun baby boy..

Rayyan in yellow - baju ni nmpk sweet, beli je la..

Rayyan in white - ni color basic.. nmpk suci jer..

And the winner goes to.... (drum roll)

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Rayyan in pink!!!!

he.. he.. he..

P/s - Sy mmg sedia maklum yg baby cepat besar.. Tp agak blur2 bila kak p-nut bgtau kena beli baju besar, Coz to me, Rayyan is a small baby since he's premature. So, I still beli baju kecik sbb b4 ths baju newborn pn besar for him, kena lipat.. Tp sekrg, baju newborn muat2 jer utk dia.. Haiyoo.. Confirm baby cpt besar! Thanks for the tips kak p-nut..

A special note of appreciation

I've been thinking of writing this a long time ago.. But could not really find the time to do it!
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Dear all, thanks for coming to visit the mother and the son. It’s very thotful of u guys to spend some of ur valuable time on us.. And thank you for all the lovely and useful gifts! I don't know whether i can remember everyone or not, but I'll try!! Ok, now, let the photos do the talking..

White Lily from Auntie Syeda (she's d 1st one who came to visit!); Flowers n fruits from colleagues at SC; Anakku hamper frm Uncle Azmie n frenz; Pureen hamper frm Auntie Lily n Uncle B; Tollijoy gift set frm Auntie Syila, Uncle Sham n Abg Iddin; Pureen gift set from Auntie Aida n Uncle Wan, Cussons hamper from Auntie Yanty n Partner; Adam's kids outfit from Auntie Sherie n Auntie Aida; Rompers n socks by MotherCare frm Auntie Sujatha n Auntie Sarina, and also, chocolate for the mother; Rompers, mitten n booties from Auntie Fiza for the baby and fish essence for the mother..

Anakku gift set from Auntie Linie, Uncle Man & Kak Syikin

Gifts from Ayah Long, T-shirt - This one is Rayyan's 1st present, my bro bought it when he went to Ausralia last Dec, a Clip Fan and a stroller by Sweet Cherry..

Pureen gift set from Auntie Aya n Uncle Din; Bebe's Natural gift set from Auntie Hasni; Anakku feeding set from Auntie Intan, Uncle Zam, Abg Adam n Sara

Aussino towels from Auntie E-wa..

A very cute playgym n book from Mak E!

Nanti Ian dah besar sket, mama pasang la.. Benda alah ni makan ruang.. Time kasih Mak E!

A very cute Pooh comforter set from Mama Biey

Byk yang xde dlm gambar actually, especially the angpows.. Heheheh.. (Jgn risau.. Kami dh bukak acc utk Rayyan). Dan juga brg2 makan - Chinese herbs, chinese dates and fish essence for the mother from Che Nie.. Fish Essence from Uncle Jea, Hamper from Auntie Ninie and family (by the time I got home from hospital, dh berterabur kena bukak.. x sempat nk amik gambar.. hehhehe).. And many more (sorry kalau x sumer masuk kat sini..).

Special kisses of thank you to Mama's family n ayah's family (basically, there are your family too Rayyan!), Paksu, Maksu, Ma, Ayah Lah & family, Mek & family, Auntie Aween, Auntie Nasha, Auntie Mazlin, Auntie Liz, Auntie Jel, Auntie Niza, Auntie Kavi, Auntie Seetha, Auntie Emey, Auntie Ajah, Dr.Raman (u r like a father to me!), Dr.Wong, Dr.Yong, Dr. Amar, Dr.Sham, Auntie Rot, Auntie Yantie, Auntie Sah, Ayah's collegues at AmInvest e.g. Auntie Kharsiah, Auntie Izawati, Auntie Mazidah, Auntie Zaidah and many others yang mama xtau n x ingt! So so sorry if I miss out some names here. And thank you all for the SMSes and good wishes thru fs messages (you know who you are!)..

The list keeps on growing. The word 'thank you' will never be enough I guess. Actually, gift is not everything.. the thot tht counts.. But I do admit that all the gifts are really useful becoz when Rayyan was born, the things that we bought for him are not much. (Smpi tergesa2 gi cari brg ms Rayyan nk blk). Not like other babies i suppose. Rasanya semua org bila nk sambut orang baru memang gile2 membeli, especially ank sulung.. But not in Rayyan's case.. What happened actually? Hmmm.. I'm not brave enough to tell everyone what had happened, I'm not like Mar Munaw (thanks to you too Mar!) who had been so strong all this while and willing to share her story with the world. But i've promised myself to tell the whole story here after Rayyan's 1st birthday. (A long way to go huh?)

Dear Biey, E, Fad, Intan, Lily, Sye, and Aween.. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on.. U guys had given a great meaning to the word 'friendship'! Ninie, terima kasih kerana mengambil berat, selalu bertanya khabar n menjadi pembaca setia my previous blog.

To Kak Nie n Kak Wa, although you guys will never read this, thank you for being a big sister to me. I will always remember what you have done for me. If by any chance you guys find this blog, I just want you guys to know how much I appreciate your kindness and I truly luv u guys! I dont have a sister but it's not a big loss at all because I have cousins that are more to a sister.. *hugs*

Lastly, to my mom.. For patiently going thru d hrdship wth me and to Abah, Abe, Jek, Nuyu! Mmuahs1000x.. Thnks to my PIL too!

Rayyan is sleeping soundly in his bed. On top of his head, is a pillow yang Auntie Ya kait khas utk Rayyan. Got Rayyan's birth date summore - 12 May 2008.

Still not enough..

Went to JJ yesterday to get a few things for Rayyan. And I end up with..


3 sleeveless n 1 short sleeves set, Pureen Petite combo set (small size cap, mitten n booties)..


Cotton puffs, baby soother (dulu ingat tanak bg isap puting, tp skrg teringin nk tgk plak..) n tollyjoy anti-wind feeding nipple.


Play gym, Hippo color book, fish rattle and Anakku rattle.

Last but not least... Musical toys!!! (This one actually was bought from littlewhiz.com. Tp smpi hari yang sama..)





When the mother is pretty busy with taking photos and blogging, where is the little one???
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Aawwwhhhh.. He's sleeping.. Good boy!

P/S - I wonder what else wll the mother buy??? Hmmm.. Membazir tak??!

HappY BeFdaY mY bOys..

These are the man in my life now.. One, was born on 12 July and another one was supposed to be born on 12 July.. Happy birthday to you guys.. Luv u guys like hell and heaven..

As for the one who should be born on 12 July, he can be consider as a big boy now! He weight 3.36kg on that day..

He always try to hold the bottle on his own..

I guess it's a big accomplishment for him or any other baby who starts to hold their bottle at the age of 1 month++

Being a ~MaMa~

I used to see my colleague at the offc went online to search for baby stuffs. And I thought that it's funny to do such things.. We will definitely loss the fun n joy of 'shopping' if we dont really see and touch the thing that we're gonna buy.. And I said to myself, well, I'm sooo not going to do that for my baby! Plus, what does baby know bout all the stuffs that we bought for him?

But now, my perspective have changed!Maybe this is a natural thing for all mother, especially the newbie like me. I feel like I want to buy everythng for my little Rayyan.. Regardless at the mall or online.. It will never be enuff.. (Bulan ni pokai sbb beli brg Rayyan je.. - I even went online to buy toys for him. Bila la dia nk start main!)

Another new thing that I love to do is tukar baju Rayyan Ariff smpi 3/4 kali sehari so that I can take lots of photo of him. When he was in NICU, he only wear diapers and they wrapped him in kain panas (tht's wht my mom call it..). Because of this, I envy all the babies that wear so many beautiful baju. I guess that's why I've turned Rayyan into my own and personal model, nk balas dendam!

Sleepy Rayyan..

Cant u see I'm asleep?

I'm trying to eat here!

All wrapped up. Freedom please!!

Selamanya cinta..

My little Kacang.. Spending time with you is the best thing to do!

Satu penghijrahan

Kenapa saya berhijrah ke tapak ini sedangkan saya sudah selesa di tempat lama saya? Mungkin kerana saya ingin beralih arah.. Penghijrahan dlm diam.. Di tempat lama, saya sudah mempunyai teman2 setia yang sudi membaca cerita saya.. Tp tidak di sini.. Di sini, mungkin saya hanya menulis utk diri sendiri.. Pd fikiran sy, tiada salahnya menulis utk diri sdr kerana itu akan lebih ikhlas.. Andai ada teman2 lama yang menemukan saya di sini, maafkan saya kerana pergi tanpa kata.. Saya cuma ingin mencari kedamaian.. Dan saya ketemu rasa damai itu di sini..

Rayyan saya bakal mencecah usia 2 bulan pd 12.7.2008.. Dan itu adalah tarikh lahir hubby.. Rayyan was suppose to be born on that date. Kalaulah dia lahir pd tarikh itu, dia akan berkongsi tarikh lahir dgn ayahnya.. Apakan daya, langit tidak selalunya cerah..

Menjelang usia 2 bulan, berat Rayyan belum mencecah 3kg. Rasanya itu agak adil bagi bayi pramatang yang lahir dgn berat 1.815kg dan telah melalui 4 siri pembedahan yang memerlukan dia ber'puasa' sebelum dan sesudah pembedahan.. Saya lupa bila ia bermula, tp Rayyan sudah lama belajar mengangkat kepala walaupun belum betul2 tegak. Saya kira itu satu pencapaian besar dgn usia dan kondisinya. Dia juga beberapa kali meletakkan tangan pada botol susunya.. Mungkin cuba utk memegang atau sekadar kebetulan, tp sy memilih utk percaya bahawa dia cuba memegang kerana ia berlaku lebih dr sekali..

Seawalnya saya sendiri tidak percaya Rayyan saya seorang yang lasak.. Sewaktu saya menunjukkan gambar ini kepada ibu saya dan memberitahu tiada siapa bersamanya pd saat dia tidur, mommy membalas dgn wajah sedikit cuak.. "Ntah2 'ada' yang angkat tak?"

-Rayyan tido smpi tergolek!-

Saya juga sedikit termakan dg kata2 mommy dan ade sedikit rasa takut.. Tp setelah saya saksikan sendiri 'kehebatan' hero saya, saya percaya dgn kebolehannya. Malah, saya tidak pernah nafikan kehebatannya walaupun pelbagai ramalan yg telah di buat oleh para doktor..

Ada yang bertanya, apa sebenarnya yang ditanggung oleh anak ini sehingga perlu melalui pembedahan? Saya ingin sekali bercerita.. Semoga dgn cerita dan ilmu yang saya ada akan dapat dijadikan panduan oleh mana2 ibubapa yang melalui keadaan yang sama. Tp saya masih tidak sanggup.. Terlalu byk kesan dan akibat yang saya fikirkan.. Mungkin setelah saya mendapat kekuatan yang sy cari, saya akan lebih bersikap terbuka..