Monday, May 26, 2014

In my wildest dreams..

In my wildest dreams, I dreamt of you living, I dreamt of you growing.. I dreamt of you walking..
There were times that I was feeling scared, for fear that my imagination might run away from me.. And left me behind with nothing..
Just when I woke up, my dreams were no longer there. Reality said hi with the sweetest gift ever. Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih tuhan.

Monday, May 19, 2014

12 purnama yang telah berlalu.

Semalam, genap setahun pemergiannya.
12 purnama telah berlalu.
18 Mei 2013 - 18 Mei 2014.
Al-Fatihah buat ayahanda tercinta.
Semoga syurga tanpa hisab milik abah.
 Pagi yang sama, sang suami keluar membeli sarapan. Lama. Hampir 2 jam.
Rifa Aleesya yang memang becok berbicara datang dengan muka resah.
"Mama, kita makan apa Mama?"
"Nasi goreng. Tunggu Ayah balik kita makan sama2. Lamanya keluar membeli!" Memberi penjelasan dalam membebel. Anak-anak tidak dirisaukan sangat. Walaupun Rayyan Ariff sedia menanti laksam, perutnya sudah beralas roti. Sama seperti Rifa Aleesya yang sudah beralas susu.
"Nanti mama call ayah."
"Ala dik.. Tak dapat la. Ayah tak picked up."
"Ala.. Nak cakap mama.."
"Ok, mama call Che Su yea? Cakap dengan Che Su.."
"Alamak, Che Su tak dapat la.. Cakap dengan Wan nak? Mama call Wan eh?"
"Tanak. Tanak cakap Wan. Nak cakap Tok!"
"Tok takde la Dik.. Dah lama takde. Meninggal. Cakap dengan Ayah Chik nak?"
"Ok. Cakap Ayah Chik." 

Betapa. Kalaulah mampu untuk kalian lebih mengenali Atuk. Kalaulah bisa kalian terus diladeni kasih sayangnya.
Jika tiada kesempatan di dunia, bisakah Kau berikan kesempatan untuk mereka di syurgaMu Ya Allah?
Semoga ada pertemuan untuk mereka.Untuk kami.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Happy 6th birthday to our Harry Potter.. The boy who lives..

I know this is so not right. This is suppose to be posted on 12 May 2014 but again, this lousy momma got caught up between so many things.
I cant believe that it has been 6 years! 6 years that were filled with so many ups and down. 6 years that taught each and everyone of us to be stronger and thankful. Time flies!
Son, you first made your appearance on 12 May 2008, small and fragile as we were only at our 31wks gestation. You tried your best to give that very first cry. Though it was not a strong one, but it gave all of us so much hopes. You may not be physically strong young man, but you always managed to keep your spirit high. Your spirit is larger than your body. Larger than all of us.
There were times when we were loosing you. Yes we were devastated by it. But we only hold one thing, that Allah is above all and everything has been beautifully written by Him. We're walking on a path that He righfully created for all of us. He knows what is best for you, for us.
Once, we were told that you may not live after birth, let alone to see, to hear, to move or even to think as you were left with very minimal brain tissues. Very little brain cells with missing parts. But termination of pregnancy was never in our plan. Regardless what your condition was, you are our son and killing our own flesh and blood was never an option for us. 
Son, you may be living a life of a disabled that are full of attending therapies, series of running to the ER, taking lots of medications, going through surgeries and whatnot, but your life is worth it. Your soul has inspired so many people out there.
Seeing your progress is truly amazing. It's beyond anyone's expectation. How I wish there will be more children of the same diagnosis and level of severity to have same progress like you, if not better.
You're our superHERO. You are our Harry Potter. You are the boy who lives. Happy 6th birthday, son.

I wont give up on us even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love and I'm still looking up.
Let us continue to defy the odd.