Langkawi

We decided to bawak mommy jalan2 makan angin.. We took one day off, friday. Altogether, we have 5 days break. We left from Ampang at 4pm.. Bergerak lambat coz kete ayah buat hal. Sampai rumah Abg Arie kat Perlis at about 2.30am.. Biasalah, banyak menyinggah..

Our 2nd stop, R&R Tapah. Tukar diaper Ian n baju tido.. Ian was carried by Uncle. Mama in orange and Nenek in tudung cream. Ayah was not in the photo coz he's the photographer. We took 8am ferry to Langkawi Island, from Kuala Perlis.

When we arrived, Ian started to make a scene. Since uncle was busy getting us a car, Mama took the chance to feed the hungry baby.. :P

Kat jetty pun, jetty la.. Dah anak saya lapar.. Tersengih2 Ian dapat makan..

Then Mama, Nenek, Che Su and Uncle naik cable car. It was our first time (except for my bro, this was his 6th ride). Me and mommy, yang sememangnya dasar penakut, swore to ourselves that this is going to be our first and last ride. No more after this! (Kalau yang Genting tu bleh consider kot..). Kat puncak Gunung Mat Chincang ni takde la kitorang stay lama. Coz Ian dah ngamuk dalam kereta.

Ayah stayed in the car with Ian. Ayah brought Ian to see an eagle. Tapi both of them did not snap any photo with the eagle. Takde camera. Both cameras are with me and my bro. Hubby said, kamera handphone tak cantik. Ambik je la.. Janji ada kenangan.. Bukan org heran pun..

Then, terus check in coz masing2 pun dah berpeluh and nak mandi. Lepas mandikan Ian, I put him to bed and the three of us, hubby, Ian and I took a rest while Mommy, bro and sis gi makam mahsuri.

Later in the afternoon, we went to Dataran Lang. Ian tido dari awal sampai sudah tak bangun-bangun. Tapi all of us still tak lepas peluang amik gambar dgn Ian. Bergilir-gilir. Buat apa sekali pun, this boy memang tak bangun2! :P

Sampai ramai org kat sana tegur. "Amboiii.. Lena aihhh.. Tak ingat dunia!".. Penat la kot.. And of course, cutey Ian grabbed some attention. Ramai yang geram.. Pastu saya cakap kat hubby, "Errr.. Kepala leper and panjang pun comel ke?? Hahhahah.. " Bad me! *Slap* Slap* Slap*.. Ian mesti la comel!!

Ramai yang kata Ian look older than his age. Macam dah umur setahun.. Hehehheh.. Tu belum bgtau yang he was born premature lagi tu..

Lepas dinner, balik hotel terus tidur..

Pagi2 lagi Ian dah bangun.. Tak bagi can Mama nak bangun lambat!! We went for a walk kejap. Ambik udara pagi kat Chenang Beach. It was a windy morning. Sejuk la jugak.

Pastu, I let Ian play with the sand. Ian genggam pasir tu, and straight away opened his mouth. Nak masuk pasir dalam mulut. And he was fast ok!! Nasib baik sempat control. Ian therapist, Fizie, said that it's good to let baby to feel different texture because it can promote and stimulate baby's sensory development. So that's why I let Ian main2 pasir.. And he seems enjoying it.

Then, hehhehe.. Mama pun teruskan agenda 'mendera' Ian.. Actually, I've asked for abah's permission. Then abah cakap, buat la.. Paling2 dia nangis.. Hehhehe.. To our surprise, he did not cry at all. Tapi he did buat 'muka seposen' mintak dikasihani.. Poor little baby. Lama gak la Ian kena dera.

Actually, there's a reason why I did this. Although Ian's body tone is ok, but comparing Ian to other baby of his age, his body is quite floppy. I don't know how true is this, but I've heard that pasir pantai elok untuk badan. I don't know the argument or the reasoning, but somebody told me that orang lumpuh kalau tanam dengan pasir pantai tiap2 hari boleh ada perubahan. So I just want to give it a try.. Walaupun sekali jer.. Nak dapat hari-hari susah la.. Mana nak cari pantai kat KL. Pantai Dalam xde pasir la plak.. If after this kitorg gi mana2 pantai, I'll definitely going to do it again.

Ada one old couple, pandang semacam jer bila Mama wat camni kat Ian. Pedulik la.. Anak saya!

Pastu sesi bersiram beramai-ramai. Mama mandikan Ian jer.. Konon2, air laut elok utk kulit.. (Banyak benar petua org tua2.. Hehhehe..) Since Ian ada rashes, Mama cuba la.. Mana la tau, berkesan.. Bukan mandikan pun.. Celup jer.. Ian ni tak tahan sejuk.. Kena air sejuk jer, menjerit.. Ni pun bukan main suara dia.. Ade idea tak nak wat camne?? Cuci poo poo pun pki air suam, apa lagi nak mandikan.. Huhuhu.. Mama tak mandi since "kawan baik" mama datang.. Melepas!

After check out, kitorg gi Tanjung Rhu, Teluk Dalai and Galeria Perdana. Ohhh.. Saya suka Tanjung Rhu.. Sangat cantikkk..

Since perut dah berkeroncong, kami terus gi makan.. The restaurant owner, empat lima kali lalu lalang dok tegur Ian. Geram katanya. Siap berhenti tunggu masa saya bagi Ian makan..

After we did some shopping, terus gerak gi jetty.. Xde la beli byk barang. To us, most of the things yang ada kat Langkawi ni, bleh dapat kat Pengkalan Kubor or Rantau Panjang.. So takde la sakan sangat. Kami borong coklat je la..

The next day, kami gi jalan2 kat Padang Besar.. Orang punya lah ramai.. Takde la lama kat sana coz kitorg kena blk awal. Nak singgah rumah mak Abg Arie.. Mak Abg Arie baikkkk sangattttt.. Suka sangat, sangat!!! Dia siap peluk cium Ian.. [Beruntung sapa dpt kawen ngan Abg Arie.. rumah dah ada. Kete apatah lagi.. Bakal mak mentua punye la baikkkk..] Hehhehehe.. Selain abg saya, saya nak promote Abg Arie skali la.. Nnt sy curik photo dia k!

Overall, the trip was great. Alhamdulillah.. Tercapai hajat nak bawak Mommy gi Langkawi.. Abah saya selalu outstation. So dia dah jemu jalan2 ni.. Siyan mommy.. Ian behaved so well.. Byk tido.. Sgt besttt.. =)

P/s - Sy dah bg hint kat hubby.. For our next annyversary.. Harap2 dia paham.. Jgn jadi macam ni sudah..

Bercuti..

Ke mana kami??




P/s - Tak nangis pun kena tanam.. Detail story, next entry yea..

Perjanjian dengan tuhan..

Beberapa hari ini, Ian sering memberikan senyuman kepada sesiapa sahaja yang menegur dan bergurau dengannya.. Bercakap bahasa bayinya.. Dan itu sudah cukup melengkapkan hati seorang ibu..

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Dan saya terima itu sebagai petanda, bahawa dia mahu saya gembira.. Mungkin dia mahu mengatakan bahawa saya tidak membuat apa2 kesalahan padanya.. Mungkin dia mahu melegakan hati dan perasaan saya..

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Memang sukar. Sungguh. Melihat matanya yang jernih, melihat halus tangannya mengelus rambutnya sendiri, melihat setiap kesungguhannya, membuat jiwa saya meruntun.. Membuat saya rasa bersalah padanya..

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Mungkin kerana, situasi saya sedikit berbeza.. Mungkin kerana, saya pernah ada peluang membuat pilihan.. Sudah saya membuat timbang tara tentang segala hukum hakam yang dibentangkan kepada saya.. Dan saya rasa, kononnya saya telah membuat pilihan yang tepat.

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Tetapi tidak. Saya salah sama sekali. Saya tidak membuat apa2 pilihan. Saya hanya meneruskan kehidupan di atas landasan yang telah ditetapkan oleh Allah SWT. Kami bukan memilih, tetapi kami adalah yang terpilih. Ini perjanjian antara kami dan tuhan. Perjanjian sedari Loh Mahfuz lagi, bahawa inilah yang perlu kami lalui. Inilah kesanggupan kami. Dan Rayyan Ariff, kamu sendiri juga telah berjanji denganNya utk mengharungi segala apa yang tersurat untuk kamu.

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Dan Mama yakin. Yakin sekali bahawa kamu anak yang kuat. Yakin sekali kamu pasti melalui segalanya dengan kejayaan.. Seperti mana kamu pernah menidakkan kata-kata mereka. Seperti mana perjanjianmu dengan tuhanmu.. InsyaAllah.

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P/s - Saya sudah pulih. Terima kasih buat Kak Suealeen..
Photo from theblackcordelias.wordpress

Head straight up!!

Ian is getting better at holding his head up straight.. Though he's still struggling, but my strong-will-Rayyan really proves that practice makes perfect!

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Mata tertutup sebab flash camera.. Jahat mama x off flash..

Kalau dulu, jgn harap la nak letak Ian dlm sitting position without supporting his head.. Now, Alhamdulillah.. Clap* Clap*

See the different?

InsyaAllah, with continuous practice, you'll be perfectly ok my dear son!

P/s - Hari ni, atuk ada.. terlebih-lebih la manja Ian.. Ada orang layan Ian, boleh la Mama update blog.. :P

Notice tak rambut Ian dah panjang.. Bila panjang, jadi berketak-ketak la pulak.. Huhuhu.. Tak straight dah.. Hmmm.. Mn Ian dpt nih??

[EmPty DeCOraTIoN]

Saya masih di dalam stage 'perang emosi'. Beribu persoalan menerjah, namun tiada jawapan yang saya temui.. Serasa sanggup berjalan hingga ke hujung dunia andai jawapannya ada di sana..

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Saya tahu, sabar itu iman.. Saya tahu, tabah itu benteng.. Tapi adakalanya, ia terlampau jauh utk saya gapai..

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Semasa melangkah keluar dari NICU utk membawa Ian pulang, seorang dari jururawat yang bertanggungjawab menjaga Ian, pernah memegang lembut bahu saya sambil berkata, "Be strong.." Matanya memancar sinar keibuan.. Kini, saya mengerti maksudnya..

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Saya tahu, andai saya terus mempersoalkan, bermakna saya tidak redha.. Tapi adakalanya, saya ingin tahu dari hatinya sendiri, apa yang KAMU inginkan???

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P/s - Satu tidak cukup. Seribu pun belum tentu. Itulah manusia.

Betapa

Ian sekarang semakin kerap meniarap.. Pantang di letak terlentang. Rajin sungguh dia. Itulah anak Mama. Pantang mengalah yea sayang.. Dalam klip ini, anda boleh saksikan betapa Ian cuba untuk menegakkan kepalanya.. Agak susah, dan mungkin dia kepenatan..

Di hujung rakaman, anda bisa mendengar keluhan saya. Saya amat kesal kerana melepaskan keluhan itu.. Bukan Ian tidak mencuba. Dia sudah bersungguh-sungguh. Lupakah saya bahawa pahlawan kecil saya ini sedang berperang di medannya sendiri. Medan yang saya kira hanya mereka yang senasib dengannya sahaja yang memahami.. Klip inilah yang saya ulang berkali-kali sewaktu tidak disamping Ian..

Rakaman ini hanya di hujung aksi Ian. Hanya di saat Ian telah kepenatan.. Kerana saya menghabiskan masa dengan kelam kabut mencari di mana letaknya kamera. Rupa-rupanya di celah longgokan mainan Ian.. :P

Akhir-akhir ini, saya lihat wajah Ian agak sugul dari kebiasaannya. Saya tanya mommy, "Tidak gembirakah dia?" Tapi mommy tiada jawapan yang pasti.. "Mungkin dia merajuk dengan Mamanya. Mungkin dia rindu.." Kata Mommy..

Telah 4 hari saya menahan diri dari mendekati Ian. Ayahlah yang menidurkan Ian di waktu malam. Neneklah yang menyuap Ian makan. Neneklah menguruskan segala keperluan Ian. Walau rengekan Ian cukup memilukan, saya hanya memandang dari jauh..

Setelah 4 hari, semalam saya dakap tubuh kecil itu seerat-eratnya.. Kucupan bertalu-talu pada dahi dan pipinya.. Ada senyum darinya. Ada tawa darinya.. Itulah rindu. Maafkan Mama sayang. Mama demam. Kerna itu Mama harus menjauh.. Demam bukanlah sesuatu yang biasa bagimu anakku.. Kerna kau istimewa..

Maafkan Mama kerana tidak bersamamu sepanjang minggu ini. Bebanan kerja memaksa Mama pulang lewat sayang. Bebanan kerja juga memaksa Mama meninggalkanmu di hari minggu. Bebanan kerja mencuri masa yang sepatutnya Mama habiskan bersamamu. Maafkan Mama kerana terlepas detik waktu yang berharga dalam hidupmu. Maafkan..

P/S - IA hanya 3. Betapa sedikit bukan?? Namun ia tetap memberi impak yang besar. Semoga IA akan terus berkembang. Atas izin Allah SWT.. Kawan2, tolong doakan Ian.. *Sigh*

Kids say the darndest things..

A friend of mine has a nephew named Aliff. I cant remember his age but his definitely not in pre-school yet. One day, the father told my friend, “Cuba tanya, Aliff nak jadi apa..”

Then my friend asked him, “Aliff, nanti Aliff besar, Aliff nak jadi apa??”

Dengan selamba dia jawab, “Nanti Aliff besar, Aliff nak jadi monyet!!”

And my friend gelak gila2.. Ntah mana dia belajar..

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Another day, Aliff’s sister, Aishah, was asking the mother to buy her a hair clip. She told the mother, “Ummi, Aishah suka sangat klip rambut tu.. Yang macam Tini pakai.. Comel sgt Ummi. Boleh tak ummi beli untuk Aishah?”

Then the mother replied, “Boleh. Nanti Aishah cakap kat mana Aishah nampak. Nanti ummi beli yea.”

Aliff came and menyampuk, “Aliff tau ummi. Aliff tau nak dapat kat mana. Hari tu Aliff nampak!”

“Kat mana?” the mother asked further.

Know what he answered? “Kat kepala Tini ummi. Aliff nampak Tini pakai!!”

Hadoiii.. Bleh pengsan kalau hari2 macam ni!

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One day, he saw a musician, playing a musical instrument. With full excitement, he screamed, “FUYYOOO.. DIA TIUP JAMBANNNN!!!!!”
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Can you guys guess what is it?

The answer is..
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This thing!

On another hand, Ian’s 2nd cousin, Firdaus (abg Alya from this entry). Pun jenis loyar buruk. He was ptty-trained by his mommy. Then he asked his mommy,

“Mommy, nape Aus takleh pakai diaper?”

Knowing that he will not accept this kind of answer à “Aus dah besar”.. “Aus dah nak sekolah..”, the mother replied, “Kan Daddy selalu bising, harga minyak mahal.. Duit tak cukup nak beli diapers. Kalau beli diapers, takleh beli toys.”

Then he asked again, “A’ah.. Ye kan mommy. Siyan daddy. Tapi nanti, kalau harga minyak turun, Aus boleh pakai diapers balik tak??”

Hahhahaha.. Jawab.. Jangan tak jawab… Mak memang la lawyer, anak plak lagi loyar.. Sape yang menang? Hahhaha.. Siyan Kak Nie. Adik Aus, Saffiyah (kakak pada Alya, lagi loyar buruk!)
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As for myself, when I facilitate one of the programme to promote financial literacy organized by the S*, I had this experience. The person in-charged asked the kids, “What can you guys do to generate more income during this school holiday without asking from your parent??”

One of them replied, “I’ll trade him on eBay for 2000 bucks. Then I don’t have to work at all!” (While pointing to a boy next to him!).. Hadoii.. Hebatnya bebudak skrg.. Makcik umur 9 tahun taktau menatang apa pun ebay tuh..

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P/s – Apa pengalaman korang ngan bebudak??

My pretty boy..

First, the physio.. Ian passed with flying colors. The therapist, Fizie, even requested the session to be done once in 2 weeks instead of once a month as agreed before. I've told her what Dr.Yong told us bout Ian and she totally agreed. She even said, "I think he has lots of potential to be as normal as everyone else. Why don't we just go all out on him?" And my heart scream "Yes please!!! It's my pleasure!!!"
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According to Fizie, Ian is playful, cheeky, responsive and the most important thing, cooperative. Which make it easy for Fizie to train him.
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The next is Dr. Wong, the neurosurgeon. Dr. Yong 31hb ni. But we need to take a break first la.. Of course the baby needs to be fed la! Sambil2 tunggu turn kat klinik Dr.Wong la ni..

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While waiting for our turn, a nurse who used to babysit Ian in NICU came. Her name is Jane. She took Ian with her and walked around the front area, brought Ian to the back room behind the counter and I heard the nurses were teasing Ian and they passed him from one hand to another. Geram kata diorang.

Dr. Wong is Ian's neurosurgeon. He read to us the result from the last ultrasound did on Ian's head. Alhamdulillah.. There's a lot of improvement.. But of course, hati manusia mana reti puas kan?? Tambah2 mama Ian nih.. Our next appointment is in July. [Read: being reduced to every 6 months! Alhamdulillah.. =) ]
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And the last one is Dato' Dr. Ramani, Ian's ophthalmologist. You guys already know the result right. What we've been told is much more scarier.. I'm just not in the mood to detail up everything at the moment. *masih dalam peringkat penerimaan*

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Know what else Dato' Ramani said? "He's a very pretty boy. I bet he'll grow to be a handsome man!" Me? Kembang semangkuk.. Hehehhe.. Not just handsome Dr., dia akan jadi orang yang bijak pandai, berpengetahuan, bersopan santun dan baik budi dan berharta! Hehhehe..

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P/s - Hubby said, "Yang, both of us can make beautiful babies, let's give Ian an adik.."
"Hah! Byk la abang, perasan! Nah amik susu ni bg kat Ian and tidokan sekali!"
"Alaaa... Part ni yang malas nih! Kalau macam ni, tunggu dulu la nak dpt adik, tak larat.."
Hahhahah.. Tau pun!

Wajah tidurmu..

Pagi ini, bangun sahaja dari tidur, hati terasa sayu.. Saya tatap wajah tidur Ian yang cukup tenang.. Sesekali, Ian berbicara bahasa bayi di dalam tidurnya.. Anak mama mengigau yea? Hati terdetik, apa yang kau mimpikan wahai anak..
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Ingin sekali saya berada di tempatnya. Menyelami jiwanya, merasai kesakitannya, mengetahui perasaannya, dan meneroka fikirannya.. Apa yang ada dibenakmu duhai anak?
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Mama doakan segala yang terbaik untukmu. Andai diberi pilihan, mama tidak mahu menggantikan tempatmu. Bukan kerana tidak sanggup, tapi kerana mama mahu terus menjagamu, mendidikmu, membelaimu, dan memberi segala yang terbaik selagi termampu..
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Air mata bergenangan. ”Kenapa?” Ayah bertanya..
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”Takde apa-apa..” Ringkas sahaja. Saya terus mencapai beg tangan dan keluar. Sepanjang perjalanan, fikiran menerawang jauh. Rasa syahdu belum pergi.. Oh tuhan, berikanlah aku kekuatan!

P/s – Sesuatu yang sedia ada, biarlah ia di situ..

Rimas!

Oh.. Sungguh rimas bila privatekan blog ni.. Every time nak check whether my blogger friends dah update diorang nyer blog atau tak, kena log in dulu.. Once dah logged in, baru la leh check.. Rimas betul..

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Bila vire blog, tgk takde update, hampaaaa..(chewahhh..)

Pastu rasa, "Huh, wat penat jer logged in!"

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Bila la nak settle labelling and updating nih? Nak open blog balik. Rimas!

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P/s - Every time log in, rs cam nak update blog jer.. Padahal nak view blog list jer!

Melentur buluh..

Ian mmg mudah diajar. Contohnya, main air. It's normal for typical baby utk main air kan? Tepuk-tepuk air bila kita letak dlm baby bath tub.. Gerak2 kaki, rasa2 air and other things la.. I noticed that Ian loves taking a bath. Macam mana sy tahu? Well, bila kena air, Ian takde la nangis. Relax jer.. Siap sengih2.. Tp, Ian takde nak main2 air.. He's so static. Slowly, saya ajar dia untuk gerakkan tangan dalam air, untuk tepuk permukaan air, utk main2dgn bath toys dia.. utk gerak2 kaki dalam air. Tanpa jemu, saya buat berulangkali. Dalam seminggu lebih, Alhamdulillah.. he can do it on his own. Dia lebih enjoy masa mandi dia..

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Baby yang sibuk main air..

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2nd thing, saya ajar dia utk melambaikan tangan.. "Ian, bye.. bye.. bye.. bye..". After sometimes, Ian manages to do it on his own. Then I stopped doing it to him for a few days. Then I tried again, alamakkkk.. Dah xleh la pulak.. Dr. said, it's normal. Even for typical baby, it happened. Once you taught him something, continue to do it or else, he will forget. Hmm, lesson learnt! I'll be more hardworking next time..

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Remember my colluegue that I mentioned before? The one who also had a special needs baby before. She said that this is good, normally, they need to be taught for hundreds times. That why she thinks that I need to go all out on Ian i.e. take unpaid and really focus on him. He definitely has the potential to be normal!

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By reading this entry (or any other entry on Ian before), I think you guys will wondering what Ian's is goin through.. And some of you might guess that it's brain related desease right? The answer is, YES, he's suffering or maybe I should say "surviving" from major brain damages. As promised, I'll blow up the details when he's one year old k..

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That's why I said Ian is special. Kalau org tanya brp umur Ian dan dah boleh buat apa? Bila saya jawab sejujurnya, they'll gave this weird look and said, "Haaa? Baru belajar meniarap??" Of course saya akan terasa. Tak usahlah dibandingkan Ian saya dgn anak2 atau cucu2 anda.. Honestly, saya rasa, Ian saya lebih hebat dari anak atau pun cucu anda.. Dgn keadaan dia, dia boleh melakukan segala yang typical baby buat.. Mungkin agak lewat, tapi dia boleh.. If you guys look at his CT Scan result or ultrasound film, you guys will be amazed with what he managed to do. Saya sendiri masih wondering, how he managed to do all the things that he did.

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Tp bak kata therapist Ian, Fizie, "Never under estimate the power of our brain. Take Ian for example. He's doing so good that I don't think the word 'good' is enough to show his ability.." Bak kata Dr. Yong, "So far, he's just like a normal baby. Matched nicely with his corrected age."

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Kawan2 Ian masa mandi..

Pastinya buat saya lebih bersemangat utk berusaha lebih buat Ian tercinta.. Bukankah usaha intu tangga kejayaan??

P/s - We had 3 appoinments today. I'll share with you guys later k.. 2 of them, physio and neurosurgeon, Alhamdulillah.. Sooo ok.. Another 1, the opthalmologist . we're a bit dissapointed to know that Ian have to go through a surgery to correct his eyes.. It's not just a simple crossed eyes where patching can be the solution.. It relates to his brain damage as well.. Hmmm.. boleh ke it correct itself?? *sigh*

"Ya Allah.. If possible, no more surgery for Ian please.. May he leaves healthily, happily and smartly.. Aminnnnn.."

Privatization!

I'm going private. But It's not for long (Hopefully). Just want to tidy up a few things i.e. Labels, date, and upload photos from my old blog for old posts that were taken from there.

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Since some drafts have been set on scheduled post, there're still going to be an auto-updates (Malas nak betulkan satu2.. :P)

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I know that this blog doesnt have lots of readers like other blogs. But if you're interested to read on, (It's not something great pun.. Most of it is about my lil Rayyan jer kan..).. Do give me your email add ok..

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P/s - Mcam poyo.. Ada org heran ke?? Hahhahaha..

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Sok cuti, half day jer.. Bertamu kat Pantai lagi la kami bertiga. 3 appoinments for tomorrow. Berdebar gak nak tau apa yang opthalmologist tu nak buat kat mata Ian.. Syahdunya nak dengar raungan Ian!! Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan Ian Ariff!

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Ni anak cina kat Pantai Med Centre masa last visit. Tak kenal pun... Saja jer ambik sbb comel!! :P

TUN RAYVIN ARFF

Every time I received calls from Ian’s ophthalmologist clinic, this is what I usually got..

Clinic : Errr.. Is this the mother of Tttunn Ray.. Ray.. Ray-vin Arff? (Baca ala2 gagap)
Me : Yes, And it’s Tuan Rayyan Ariff.. Tu-one Rai-Yan A-riff.. Not Tun Rayvin Arff.. Hehehhe..
Clinic : Ohh sorry.. Just to confirm his appointment on.. bla.. bla..

It happened every time she calls me ok.. Hahahhaha.. *Saya suka nama Rayvin itu.. Alangkah bagus kalau ada makna yang baik*

P/s - Bulan ini byk appoinment.. 5 doctors. And semua pun major. Full assessment at SJMC lagi ni.. Harap2, everything will turn out to be great.

Down with Rhinorrhea

It's not me. I'm still doing great and getting fatter.. It's Ian. It has been two or three days. I think it's from Cameron trip. At first I thought it's because of mucus that babies normally have. But since Tonimer Baby Spray doesnt work anymore, it must be selsema la kan? Hubby and I, brought Ian to see a doctor. Not specialist lah.. Just a GP clinic.

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I've stopped being a paranoid mother who ran to a specialist hospital everytime her baby had a higher-than-normal body temperature or something different on any part of his body. It happened twice actually, his temperature was 37.6, we went straight to KPJ Perdana. Pd hal xde apa pun.. Tak pasal2 Ian kena admitted. Pas sejam, suhu turun.. Padahal demam biasa jer.. Siap menjerit2 lagi kat hospital. Smpi paed dia gelak, "Kalau dia sakit, he wont be this active and drinks lots of milk." Dah Ian kena inject and amik darah. Procedure hospital kata diorg.

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Another one, when we discover something different under his armpit, macam cyst. Pagi tu jugak bwk gi Emergency Dept kat Pantai Med Centre. It turns out to be a swollen lymph node due to his BCG injection.

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We were at the clinic for quite some time. Processnya takde la lama.. Check sket2.. Lungs clear.. Just a mild cough and runny nose. So Dr, prescribed some medication. Yang lamanya, I had a long chat with the Dr. Of course I need to tell bout Ian's condition coz I'm afraid that he'll give something that Ian can't take.

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Premature? C-sect? Why? And lots of other questions. I guess it's just a doctor's thingy that they'll be interested in such things. After a while, the Dr. said, "Hmm.. Actually, I was wondering inside, this lady must have been repeating this story so many times till everything is so detailed and complete. She also doesn't seems hard to pronounce the medic term." He told me this with a huge laugh.

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Yes Dr. I've been repeating this whole story over and over again. It's like a tape recorder. And of course, I didn't feel tired or bored with all the questions. I'm proud of my little miracle.

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As we speak, there came a few questions that I normally got. "Why didn't the gynea adviced for abortion?".. "What's the cause of it?".. "It cant be nothing.. It cant just happened out of the blue.." And some others that actually hurts me a bit.

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Well, like what you said Dr. Above all, we have God with us. As you believes in your God, me too, believes in Allah SWT. This is what Allah has destined for us. Kami redha. Yes it's not easy, but not everybody can be the chosen one like us.

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The Dr. asked me whether I've taken any medicine during my pregnancy, traditional maybe? Then I explained to him, not that I can remember of. I was strictly on Folic Acid, Calcium nuerogain and a few others which is totally recommended by my gynea. The only thing that still makes me wonder is, an injection that I have before I knew that I was pregnant.

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Due to allergy, I had rashes all over my body.. Merah cam bontot monyet, menggaru2 cam monyet gak! One lady Dr. gave me an injection and some antibiotics to get rid of those nasty rashes. Before the needle got into my butt, I told the Dr. one thing, "Dr., we are trying for a baby, is the injection ok?" And the Dr. replied, "Well, you are not pregnant yet. Furthermore, your body needs treatment at this moment!" Hmm.. not answering my question rite?

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And 6 days later, I found out that I'm pregnant! Hubby and I went to the same clinic to confirm. And I asked the same question back, and the answer is still, "At that moment, your body needs the injection. I can't let you go back with all those rashes!" It's like she's scolding me for asking such question.

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The Indian Dr. asked me further, "Who is this Dr. and where is the clinic?".. I smiled. "I cant remember the name but I still remember her face. And this is the clinic Dr."

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He was a bit shocked. And started to explain that baby is resistent yada.. yada.. His wife was also prescribe some medication that can kills the baby because they didn't know the wife was pregnant. And the baby turned out to normal.. That the lady Dr. did the right thing by helping me.. Macam2 lagi la.. Like he's trying to convince me that it's not because of that.

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Don't worry la doc, I'm not going to put the blame on that lady Dr. or your clinic. Ni rezeki kami.. And he asked a few other questions i.e. what Ian can do and what Ian cannot do. Most of the things that he asked, the answer is, Ian is doing it. He was so amazed with Ian.

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Then he said, "Well, Dr. told you the worst thing that could happen because they want you to be prepared. If it doesnt happened as the way that they've predicted, then you should be thankful. Doctors are like mechanics. We only fix things. We are not God. I myself has predicted my friend's baby can last for 2 days only. But now, she's already 2 years old. And my friends make fun of me because of that. We make prediction based on the patient's condition at that point of time. If God permits that the patient will leave longer, we would be more than happy."

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Yes Dr. Andy, I agree with you.. Syukur Alhamdulillah di atas kurniaanNya. Thanks for the time that you'd spent chit chatting with us. I loves talking to Dr.. =)

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P/s - Yes, you guys are like mechanics, but I'm thankful that we have all these human mechanics especially those yang berjiwa rakyat. Majulah dunia perubatan untuk negara..

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Ian at 12 weeks

Lipat gandakan..

"Ya Allah!! Sebagaimana Engkau Pernah menghantar burung-burung ababil menghancurkan tentera bergajah Musyrikin, maka kami memohon kepada mu Ya Allah... Turunkanlah bantuan mu kali ini kepada orang orang Islam di Palestin, hancurkanlah penceroboh-penceroboh itu.. Aminnnnn.."

P/s - Tlg lipat gandakan surah ini.

Slowing down..

I spoke to someone from my office earlier.. She was a mother to a special need child.. But the child passed away at the age of 8 years old. She went all out to take care of her child. She even took unpaid leave for a year and concentrate on her baby. When I told her bout Ian, she was surprised to know that Ian is doing well. She even shared with me some inspiring stories on special need children who are doing so well. And there's no different between them and other children.

She's of the view that I need to take time off as well. Fully concentrate on Ian. Because the first 2 years of life is important to all babies. This is the time when the brains develope. After that, not the brain anymore, the one that will develope is the nueron (which helps in term of learning).

I dont know whether I want to do that or not. I know, it's a bout well-being and welfare. Which one do you prefers. At the end of the day, you child is the only thing that matters. I did think bout taking unpaid leave for a year, but then my company will not cover the medical expenses. Yup, medical expenses can be sooooo expensive kan? Ian is seeing 4 different specialists and going through physiotherapy session once a month. Plus in case of emergency, if it's not covered, somehow, it can be a burden on our shoulders.

I do admit that the cost for treatment and check up at government hospital is very low compared to what we (or the company, to be exact) are paying. Tapi layanan tu yang best.. :P

But now, I guess maybe I just have to put that aside and go to government hospital so that I can take unpaid and truly focus on my baby.

Another thing, with current economic condition, I dont know whether I'm doing the right thing or not. (On the salary alone, not including the perks and benefits which is unlimited, I can be considered as highly paid.) Nowadays, to raise a child, stability is important and I dont like the idea of totally depending on my hubby. Hubby works in a private sector. To be exact, dgn bank. If something happen, then what should we do. Savings mmg la ada, tp bukit pun kalau lama2 ditarah, boleh rata..

According to my friend, rezeki di mana2.. Sedang ulat dlm batu pun boleh makan.. Inikan kita manusia.. Errr.. Tapi saya bukan ulat. Mama ulat takyah beli mainan utk stimulate baby ulat. Mama ulat takyah bayar loan kete Kancil and Papa ulat xyah byr loan kete Perdana n umah kan?? Or should I think of online business ke apa? Bukan ke 90% rezeki tu dtg dari business? Atau saya boleh diet and jadi cantik pastu ngorat Mawi semahu2nya and tumpang senang dia.. :P

Yang bagusnya, my boss is willing to make an arrangement with HR. For me to resign first and come back when I'm ready. (Coz kalau unpaid more than 2 years susah sket..). Tp leh caya ke? Kalau tetiba dia plak resign, camne tuh?

I'm totally lost!

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Ketenangan pada wajahmu membangkitkan beribu kasih dan berjuta sayang duhai anak.. Walau dalam apa jua keadaan, cinta padamu tetap utuh.

P/s - I'm slowing down on blogging to pay more attention to Ian. Tp leh ke control? Heehhehhe.. Kata blogger tegar! Or, maybe masa weekend or masa Ian tido, wat post byk2 terus and scheduled post.. Hahhahahha..

Not in the mood..

Got so many things inside my mind at the moment.. But not in the mood to write! Why?
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Because of this!!!!

Perd was discharged from its ward today.. Look at what hubby did.. Tompok hitam kat depan!!! I know it's a trend. But I'm totally against it. Kalau sticker xpe.. Tp kalau bertompok2 camni, jiwa kacau ok..

P/s - Susah kalau dah suami gila kereta nih.. The photo is a bit blurry kan? Let it be. Tak kuasa makcik nak amik gambo lawa2!

Trip to Cameron Highland

It's just a short one. But it's really meaningful since we havent gone for a vacation for quite some times. Maklumlah, too many things happened kan.. :P

We stayed for one nite only. Wrong timing la.. When we were on our way, the rain poured heavily and there're few landslides. Cuak jugak. Jalan dah la bengkang bengkok.. And it was extra-extra cold. Especially at nite. When we talked, siap kuar asap yang ala2 citer korea tuh.. Hahahha.. (Zai, mesia pun ada scene bercakap kuar asap ape!)

Because of that, each of us got ourselves a pair of gloves and socks.. Smpi mommy cakap nyesal gi.. FYI, mommy and me ni jenis penyejuk skettt.. :P

Actually, mommy is the one who really wants to go there. Since we managed to get an apartment that is quite spacious, I invited 3 of my friends (and of course; my bros!). Despite the heavy rain, all of us had a great time there. Not to forget, I got to eat lots and lots of ice cream with strawberry which makes me gain another kg!

But of course I'm a bit worry bout Ian. Alhamdulillah takde demam.. Nama pun sejuk yang amat. Can't wait for our next trip this coming chinese new year.. I know that the forecast for economic growth is negative this year, but can I declare this year as "Tahun Melawat Malaysia" for our family? Hehehheh..

Actually, for accomodation, we normally go for open voucher which is relatively low compared to the actual price. For example, we got Hyatt Regency Kuantan which cost about RM400++ per nite for only RM160. Dan pernah kami saja2 check in kat Concorde Shah Alam because the vousher is only RM30 per nite stay and it's inclusive of buffet breakfast. Memanggg berbaloi. Untung jugak hubby keje bank nih.. We saved a lot on accomodation.. :P

On our way.. Ian dah bosan dah.. Kejap ddk dlm car seat, kejap kena pangku..

The three of us..

The lovely friends of mine.. Sungguh maniss sarung tangan kami kannn??
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Mommy a.k.a. Nenek Ian.. Sakan posing kat ladang teh..
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Baby yang kononnya kesejukan..
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Cameron yang dingin..

I guess we could enjoy more if it doesnt rain that heavy and the weather is not that cold. Tp overall, it's a great weekend..

P/s - Ada gambar Ian kena buli dgn uncle. Tp lom transfer lagi.. Next time la..

Our New Year

So happen that umah kitorang kat atas bukit, so kitorang takyah gi mana2 for any countdown.. Merdeka ke, new year ke.. Duduk je kat Taman Saga ni.. This year, ingt nak record masa bunga api tgh meletup2 tu, skali camera xde battery.. Malas nak pki HP coz nnt tak brp clear.. So elok jer, masuk new year.. X sempat snap apa2..

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A few minutes before new year..

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From where I stand, I can clearly see fireworks kat KLCC, Dataran Merdeka, Genting and a few others yang I sendiri xtau kat mana..

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There're always lots of peoples. Kereta pn bersesak smpi dpn umah orang pun diorang ni parking. Taktau la dr mn diorg dtg.. Macam Fiesta plak.. Yang bestnya, jiran2 kitorg akan wat collection from hse to hse, dan akan organize makan2.. BBQ and Karaoke is a must.. I loike bab2 makan nih.. :P

P/s - Things that I'm going to miss! :-(

You're definitely a mother when..

Whether it's your car or your house, baby's stuffs are everywhere..

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See? A pacifier in your car!

A baby cot in your bedroom, next to your bed some more!

Even worse, a baby mattress on your bed! Between you and your hubby! Hehhehe..

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But it's a great thing huh? Great experience. You can never get enough out of your baby. Tido tak cukup, takpe.. Bangun tgh2 malam, redha.. Semuanya OK. Betul org ckp, you'll never know your capacity to love someone until you have your own child. A child that is so helpless and totally depending on you. Alamak, ter'emo' plak..

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K la, Jom layan Ian.. :P

Siap dgn cap, nak gi BB semata.. =)

P/s - I totally can't wait for number 2, tp takut tu ada. Takut perhatian utk Ian akan kurang and paling takut, kurang dh sayang kat Ian. Ibu-ibu yang ada ank lebih dr sorang, camne ek perasaan kat anak2 ni?? Mommy kata, sama jer.. Semua anak ada kelebihan tersendiri.. Tp sy rasa, mommy syg sy n my younger bro lebih.. Hehehhe.. Perasan!

Setelah setahun 7 bulan!

After being married for 1 year and 7 months, finally, I got this..

What is it?

Kad perakuan nikah!!

Hehehhe.. Pasni gi mana2 tak takut dah.. Errr.. Korang takut ke? Tak kot.. Biasanya yang takut takut ni coz x halal.. Sepanjang setahun tujuh bulan ni, kitorg ke hulu ke hilir, xde plak bawak surat nikah ke apa.. Besar gedabak.. Takkan nak bwk, kang ilang kang.. Nasib tak kena tangkap khalwat..

Dulu kan, sebelum ada Ian kan, masa tgh perangai ngade2 kan, saya ada satu cita-cita.. (Err.. Cita-cita ke? Ntahhh..).. Saya teringin sangat nak check in kat hotel Pudu ke, Chow Kit ke.. Hotel yang cikai2 la.. Pastu kalau JAWI datang, hanya bukak pintu selepas 10min diketuk (lama nih), pastu bila pegawai tu mintak bukti nikah ke apa, cari lama2.. Ala2 x jumpa gitu.. Pastu baru bwk keluar.. Saje kasik gempak.. Tapi hubby kata tu keje bodo.. Kang x jumpa betul2, dua2 sengih dlm lokap.. Hehhehe.. :P

Sekarang ni? Xde ingin dah.. Baik dok umah tgk TV ngan Ian.. Muahhahah.. Saya udah dewasa ya mas!

Tapi kan, kad ni lagi cepat dapat daripada kad td..

MyKid Ian

Cerita di sebalik MyKid ni, saya paksa hubby buat cepat2! Pg discharged, petang tu jugak saya suruh hubby gi buat. Smpi gaduh2 bagai.. Iye la, orang tu pun penat gak.. Mana nak tunggu anak operation lagi, nak jenguk anak kat spital, nak beli brg2 makan org berpantang i.e. ikan haruan, chinese dates dll.. Tapi bini dia tak paham2.. Sebenarnya, saya tak bgtau hubby nape saya paksa dia register Ian cepat2. Bila saya dpt borang pendaftaran tu, pada ruangan nama ada ditulis, KOSONGKAN SEKIRANYA BAYI MENINGGAL.

Saya taknak Rayyan Ariff pergi tanpa nama.. Kerna itu, saya minta hubby segerakan proses pendaftaran Ian.. Waktu itu, untung nasib Ian masih tidak ketahuan.. Sedangkan saya, sudah menyimpan nama Rayyan Ariff sejak sekian lama.. Sudah saya niatkan nama ini untuk anak sulung lelaki saya. Anak kawan baik abah namanya Muhammad Rayyan. Kali pertama saya mendengar nama ini, saya tidak berapa suka kerana saya tidak tahu maksudnya. Tapi bila kali pertama saya mengetahui maksud nama ini apabila terbaca di dalam akhbar utusan pada bulan ramadhan beberapa tahun yang lalu. Saya jatuh cinta pada nama ini. Dan sengaja saya tambah Ariff dibelakang kerna inginkan anak yang lahir itu berpengetahuan dan bijaksana. Kini, Muhammad Rayyan sudah berusia 23 tahun. Tentu lain rasanya kalau dia tahu nama Rayyan Ariff terilham dari namanya.. Sudah semestinya saya malu dgn Uncle B & Auntie Z kerana mengambil nama anaknya (Parents Rayyan).. :P

P/s - Apa ada pada nama? Emm.. Harimau mati meninggalkan belang, manusia mati, meninggalkan nama.. Tapi jgn smpi org ingat kita atas sebab yang tak enak..

Lambat dpt bkn kesalahan JHEIK semata. Kitorg pn lmbt ambik. Dah memula pegi x siap, 2nd time, gi lmbt la sket.. Sekali sijil siap, tunggu wat kad plak.. Tu yg lama tuh..

En.Hubby, if you ever read this, sila lah paham isteri anda.. Dia takkan buat perangai tanpa sebab.. Sentimental la skettt.. Buwekk.. Takkan saya sesaja nak paksa awak kot En. Abang kalau xde sebab!