This past few months has been really hard for me.. It was like sitting on an emotional roller coaster ride. I dont know how to reflect the true feeling that I've been keeping inside. Or rather I should say, the truth is that I dont really want to completely share it..
Currently, I'm looking back at our life.. What a long walk it has been! I'm reflecting where we had started and where we are at, now..
It has been more than 4 years. And I'm hoping and praying for many more good years to come.
I remember, when one of the doctor was "advising" us to abort the pregnancy since this is a fatal desease and our child will be severely handicapped even if he survived, the doctor asked us in an unsatisfied tone of voice,
"Do you want him to be a burden to his siblings?"
"Do you want him to live a life that is full of pain, handicaps and surgeries?"
My answer was very short. "No."
But his life is not mine to take. Abortion was not an option at all.
We were forced to believe that he will not survived after birth since he was left with not much brain tissues. Less than 5%.
We were told, that his brain parts were not fully formed.
When we prepared for his arrival, we were not sure whether he'll be with us or we have to let him go..
But that was then.
We were forced to believe that he will not survived after birth since he was left with not much brain tissues. Less than 5%.
We were told, that his brain parts were not fully formed.
When we prepared for his arrival, we were not sure whether he'll be with us or we have to let him go..
But that was then.
And now, looking back at our journey, I truly understand what the doctor meant.
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Everything that he said is so real now. I know what he meant with "life with pain, handicaps and surgeries"
But I would still think that his life is not mine to take. I cant be deciding whether he should or should not live. It is definitely not my say.
He has his own quality. His life has its own purpose.
He eats.
He plays on his own
He play with others
He did the activities that we asked him to do..
He amazed us with his progress
He loves books.
He crawls
He stands
He walks
He swims
He goes to school
He interacts with his sibling
I know his life is hard in certain ways. But I cant ignore the fact that there is a purpose for that and let it be Allah's secret.
His life is rewarding.
And I'm counting my daily blessings.
Thank you Allah.
21 comments:
ALHAMDULLILLAH..... TQ ALLAH
Semoga Allah memberikan kesihatan yang baik buat abg rayyan dan terus diberikan keajaiban.
so touching. bergenang air mata. walaupun skrg mak dia masih tidak tidur dgn aman, but kita percaya, jiey sudah boleh tarik nafas lega tgk perkembangan dia.
amboiii tgk majalah pinggan mangkuk lagi, tak tahan sungguh. aunty cha pun takde majalah tu ian. hihiii.
u r such a strong mummy.. n ur son is such a strong boy..may allah bless u ol and continue give the strength to u.. mama pipie baca ni pn sampai menitik air mata..
insya allah besar ganjaran di sana berkat kesabaran
Sesekali bila semangat tu hilang we tend to look back at the past kan. Tapi kalau boleh jangan difikirkan. Mmg sng nak cakap. Tapi Allah dah beri mesti ada sebab. And as u said... his life is rewarding. It worth it having him along with all d battles. Although it's tough sometimes. But InsyaAllah Allah akan beri hikmah. Teruskan semangat Mama Jiey :)
Salam dan Salam perkenalan Jiey^Mien,
Sesungguhnya begitu terharu sayu pabila membaca isikandong luahan hati darinya Jiey^Mien...
Tidak terasa walau sedikit pun bunyi penyesalan atau pasrah hanya bisikan kata-kata dari suara hati yang lembut... redha menerima kelahiran Tuan Rayyan Ariff dengan sebuah kasihsayang yang begitu mulia seluhur hati Jiey^Mien yang tiada tandingan dengan kesabaran yang tinggi lagi cekal sekali.
Menitis selinang airmata dihati betapa kasihsayang seoarang Ibu yang bernama Jiey^Mien mengasihi anaknya Rayyan Ariff menyedari sis Ratna bahawasanya "rahsia" dari Allah Ta'ala itu besar sekali...
Semoga Jiey^Mien beroleh rezeki segala rezeki dan dari jauh sis Ratna bersedekah senantiasa sebuah doa-doa terhadapNya segala apa sahaja yang dipintai dariNya akan dipermudahkan dengan sejahteranya.
Salam sayang buatnya Tuan Rayyan Ariff dari tante Ratna...
Salam manis semanis madu.
alhamdulillah dengan setiap detik yang kita ada kan kak...
saya jugak pernah rasa tidak kuat..
saya juga pernah lalui saat ayah saya sendiri kemalangan dan koma selama satu bulan,cedera yang parah di bahagian otak kiri dan kanan dan doktor asyik bercakap tiada harapan untuk menjadi normal semula,dan peluang untuk hidup hanya 30% alasannya ayah saya sudah 40-an..dan kiranya berpeluang bernafas kali ke dua dia akan jd mcm 'sayur'.. masa tu saya bersekolah menengah..bagaimana rasanya kira hilang tempat bergantung ,kasih syg? mampukah saya untuk lalui semua tu? itu yang bermain dalam fikiran saya... berbekalkan semangat dari guru2 dan kwn2.. saya rasa kuat.. Alhamdulillah.. Allah dah tentukan yang terbaik dalam hidup kita... ayah saya kembali ke hidup yang asal walaupun tak sempurna seperi dulu tapi saya tetap bahagia.. ayah saya pada peringkat awalnya berperangai budak-budak dan menjadi amat pemarah.. emaklah orang yang paling sabar... setiap hari doa tidak putus.. kini keadaan semakin baik alhamdulillah.. sehingga
doktor yang pernah merawatnya pun terkejut.. dia kata ini suatu yang ajaib..
syukur
allahuakhbar allah maha besar..
blog akak memang memberi inspirasi.. kuat semangat ya kak.
semoga kita semua berada dalam rahmat-Nya. aminn
syukur, rayyan ok je. maybe milestones nya slow sikit. tapi kan kita semua ada 'slow' kita yg tersendiri dalam beberapa hal. keep it up. biar apa orang nak kata. there are not in your shoes, they don't live in your skin. they will never understand how you feel.
"Maka nikmat Rab (Tuhan) kamu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?"...setiap kejadian ciptaan Allah ada hikmahnya...kito yg keno cari hikmah tu sebaik mungkin. ko guano jiey? ;)
u r one strong muslimah.. jiey.. im honor to have u as a fren.*hugs*
Your son is such an insperation and a handsome little man.
Naluri ibu yg mendesak kak jie utk meneruskan kandungan itu 4 tahun dulu adalah dari yg Maha Mencipta....percaya, yakin, dan teruslh kuat berusaha utk anak ini....kerna sesungguhnya Maha Pencipta juga telah merencanakan sesuatu yg akan kekal jadi rahsiaNya sehingga tiba waktu nya...
:)
a smile for ian...
It's a blessing in disguise.
salam... semoga akk kuat menempuhi segalanya.... sy kagum dengan akk.... kagum sangat2....
and he is super fighter..on own his way..
salam singgah sini ;-)
jiey mmg seorang yg kuat dan tabah. Semoga Allah memberi kekuatan yg lebi pada jiey sekeluarga, semoga dimurahkan rezeki dan semoga adik rayyan bertambah sihat.. :-)
sy kagum dgn anda..syabas..
Allah telah pilih anda utk menjaga rayyan sebaiknya.
sy juga melihat adik ipar sy yg OKU dr lahir..otak tak brkembang..fizikal pun kecik.my mil train dia dr hari ke hari.dr xleh jalan smp sudah berjalan..cuma dia xblum makan sndri,mandi dan menguruskan diri sndri.sy pernah mendengar my mil supaya biar anak dia pergi sblum dia sbb dia tak tahu sapa lg yg blh menjaga anak dia sebaik dia sbg ibu.sy kagum smgt dia.nows he' already 27years..
setiap kejadian ada hikmah tersendri.cuma kita tak tahu atau sedar ada hikmah itu...
Kagum dgn akk jie..semoga rayyan ariff sentiasa di rahmati dan d berkati.
i am so touched reading this entry....bergenang air mata i....kuat sungguh semangat dan i tau u and family sangat tabah, i rasa u telah buat pilihan yang terbaik dalam hidup, kerana bagi i, semua makhluk Allah berhak untuk hidup dengan cara masing2.....semoga segalanya dipermudahkan untuk u sekeluarga........i am reading your latest entry and i have to go to older post to know what happened to this little baby......subhanallah....my pray wiii always with u guys!
Amazing! My son also has HPE. Your blog gives me great hope for his future!
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