Setahun yang lalu (4)

Hari yang dinantikan. Selasa, 18 Mac 2008. Pagi-pagi lagi kami sudah bersiap. Tidak mahu tersangkut di dalam kesesakan lalu lintas dari Ampang ke TTDI.

Kami sarapan di kedai mamak di tepi jalan. Saya memilih nasi lemak dan teh tarik, dan hubby memilih roti telur. Sangat tidak sehat sarapan kami kan? :P

Selesai sarapan, kami ke FMGC. Jam menunjukkan pukul 830am. Pintu belum dibuka. Tapi sudah ada dua orang wanita yang sarat mengandung duduk di luar. Masing2 bertemankan suami, mungkin.

Saya berbual-bual dengan wanita cina di sebelah saya. Kandungannya baru berusia 6 bulan. Hampir sama usianya dengan kandungan saya yang berada di dalam minggu ke-23. Tapi perutnya kelihatan sarat. Sedangkan saya, hanya sedikit kelihatan. Layaknya seperti wanita gemuk berperut buncit dan bukannya wanita mengandung.. “First pregnancy always like that one. Mine is no.2 already. Tummy already big, so that’s why it becomes this big..” Wanita cina itu cuba menenangkan saya.

Nombor giliran diambil. Seterusnya, sample urine, berat badan dan bacaan tekanan darah pula diambil. Tiba waktu berjumpa Dr. S. Raman, Gynecologist and Obsterician.

Dia menyambut saya dengan baik. Kebetulan pula, dia Dr. sama yang pernah menyambut bayi ketua jabatan saya suatu masa dulu. “Your boss really like you ha.. She even told me to be extra careful with you.. Your bonus must be really good lah ni..” Kata Dr. yang cukup peramah itu. “Hahhaha.. You tell me bout it Dr. If my bonus was great, i would have been driving a red beetle by now.. Hehhehe..” Masih bergelak tawa.

Saya baring di tempat yang disediakan. Dr. Raman memulakan tugas. 3D image yang terpampang di skrin menampak wajah Rayyan Ariff. “Dr., it’s a boy kan?” “Yup, yup, ini boleh nampak nih.. Very clear..” He took a few shots of my baby’s photo and save it in a CD.

“How is it Dr.?” Dr. Raman tidak terus menjawab. Hanya menggeleng dan mencebikkan bibirnya. Then he started to explain the details of the disease. And what to expect. Then he continued with this, “It is too bad already. The brain damages is already **%. There is no chance that the baby could survive. Even if he did, with this kind of condition, he’ll mentally retarded. Cannot see. Cannot hear. Cannot move. Like a vegetable.”

“It’s very hard for me to give this kind of news to parents who are expecting their firstborn. But sometimes, Dr. are meant to be the one who had to tell things that no one wants to hear..”

“Is it too late Dr? When can we actually trace this thing?”
“With 3D or 4D scan, as early as 16 weeks. But it doesn’t make any different. Unless you opt for abortion..”
“You mean, no hope at all? Is there anything that you can do to help the baby Dr.?”
“ Nothing much at the moment. As long as the baby stays inside, there’s nothing that we can do. Well, last time, there are cases where they did the operation from outside. Cut the mommy’s womb and do a re-stitching. But it’s not really safe. No one does it anymore. Not even in US. Maybe there are a few clinics in Brazil would do it, but I don’t think that it really helps.”

“What’s the cause of it Dr?”
“Well, it could be genetic or virus infection. The only way to find out is by doing the amniocentesis and karyotyping. I’ll leave to you to decide. To terminate the pregnancy or to continue. If you would like to do the test here, I can make the arrangement. If not, then I can make a reply letter to Tawakal. I’ll give you and your husband some times to think about it.”

Dan kami di bawa ke ruang menunggu khas. Hanya hubby dan saya. Waktu itu, terasa dunia begitu kecil. Begitu kosong. Saya pandang wajah hubby. Ada kekecewaan di wajahnya. Dia mula membuat beberapa panggilan telefon. Tangan kami bersatu. Genggaman semakin erat. Sunyi. Tiada suara, hanya pandangan kosong. Inilah kali pertama di dalam hidup saya, saya rasakan begitu penat sekali. Tiada tenaga. Tiada semangat.

Seketika waktu, Dr. Raman kembali menemui kami.

“Dr. we’ve decided that we want to continue with the pregnancy. Let God do the rest. And, we want to do all the test here..”
“Good. Actually, if you said that you’re going to terminate the pregnancy, I’ll be saying that I will not be doing it. You have to find another hospital to do it. It is against the law since the baby is already more than 20 weeks, and of course, against my beliefs."
“Ours too, Dr.” I smiled.

Then we were brought to another room. I was laying on the bed and hubby was sitting next to me.

“You can hold your husband’s hand if you want. Husband, show la some support” Dr. Raman masih dengan jenakanya.
“No it’s ok Dr. I’m fine.” Saya juga masih dengan senyuman walaupun air mata masih tersisa di kelopak mata.

Dr. memulakan tugasnya. Dia menekan-nekan bahagian kanan perut saya untuk menggerakkan bayi ke sebelah kiri. “Move baby, move.” Sambil matanya tidak lepas memandang skrin. Apabila bayi sudah bergerak ke sebelah kiri, Dr. Raman mula membenamkan jarum ke perut saya. Tusukan semakin dalam. Dan dia mengeluarkan air ketuban lebih kurang 10ml.

“Dr. don’t you think that it will hurt the baby when you took amniotic fluid? It will be lesser.”
“It will not effect him lah.. Dia kencing saja suda ganti balik itu air.. Hahahhaha..” Masih dengan jenaka.

Seterusnya sample darah pula di ambil. Dari kedua suami dan isteri.

“We’ll call you once we have the result.”
“Dr., what if the result comes back +ve and it is because of genetic. Can it happen to the next pregnancy?
“No la.. Don’t think about that. I would say that it is very highly unlikely that it will happen again. Don’t worry too much. It will not.”
“But you can’t guarantee it Dr.”
“Of course I can’t. But do you know that in every pregnancy, there’re 5% chances that the pregnancy might go wrong. No one can ever tell. It can happen to anybody..”

Selesai segalanya. Saya pulang ke pejabat berbekalkan cuti sakit untuk dua hari. Kononnya untuk saya menenangkan diri dan berehat. Sekadar memaklumkan kepada rakan-rakan pejabat dan ketua jabatan tentang khabar yang baru diterima. Tangisan tidak tertahan lagi dan mereka menjadi saksi kesedihan saya.

Di rumah, saya seorang diri. Menanti hubby pulang dari kerja kerana dia perlu ke pejabat dan menyiapkan sesuatu. Kami sudah nekad mahu pulang ke kampung saya. Saya perlu berjumpa dengan mommy! Kerana sinar matanya cukup memberi kekuatan. Sinar matanya cukup menggembirakan.

Saya khabarkan berita tadi kepada sahabat saya, E dan B. Air mata berhamburan lagi. Sewaktu mahu mengambil wuduk untuk solat zuhur, tiba-tiba sahaja lutut saya lemah. Saya tidak mampu berdiri. Tersandar saya di dinding bilik mandi. “Ya Allah, besarnya dugaan yang Kau berikan untukku!” Air mata bercucuran.

Kepulangan hubby saya sambut dengan tenang. Gelodak di jiwa sudah berkurang. Itulah kali terakhir saya menangis teresak-esak setelah dikhabarkan bahawa bayi kami menghidap **********s. Untuk hari seterusnya, hanya genangan air mata. Saya penat menangis. Kerana ia tidak mengubah apa-apa. Tapi saya tidak menolak hakikat yang saya menjadi seorang yang lebih sensitive. Hingga sekarang, mata saya begitu mudah digenangi cecair jernih. Pantang melihat sesuatu yang menyentuh hati. Hatta mendengar lagu Syurga di telapak kaki ibu sekali pun.

P/s – Hehehhe.. Saya dan mommy memang sama2 mudah bergenangan air mata. Like mother like daughter walaupun fizikal saya banyak ikut abah.. :P

Masih scheduled post.. Panjang sungguh drama "Setahun yang lalu" nih:P